Organized Chaos

Let Justice Roll Like A Mighty River

2012-02-01T09:20:00.002-05:00

In orphan care there are many parts. One part that sometimes gets left out is prevention. Preventing more orphans. A few years back there were 147 million estimated orphans. Last year I think the estimation grew to 163 million orphans. Today, I don't know what the number is, and I haven't looked on purpose cause it breaks my heart. My mind wanders and thinks that for each orphan listed, there have got to be at least two or three vulnerable children, and two or three vulnerable people right alongside that orphan.

Many think starting orphanages is the answer to the orphan crises.

Many think adoption is the answer to the orphan crisis.

Many think child sponsorship is the answer to the orphan crisis.

I am not arguing against any of these parts to the orphan care puzzle. A good puzzle has many pieces. Prevention seems to be a lost puzzle piece for many. It's not talked about as often as the other pieces. Yet, it is just as important as the next puzzle piece.

I have some dear friends who love all the puzzle pieces. During different seasons of their life they have worked on different parts of the puzzle while always keeping the whole puzzle as the focus. Recently, they have started an organization that encompasses many parts, but focuses on prevention.

Go check them out and as you do, I hope you will feel led to partner with them.

Click and Give!

Click and share!

Click and pray!

Mom of Boys

2012-01-10T08:04:00.014-05:00

Someone recently asked me if I could connect her with a mom of boys. A 'boy mom'. Um. Hello, I have four of those fantastic creatures. She assured me I was not what she was looking for. She was looking for a 'real mom of boys'.

Say what?!?!?

When my boys burp in song, I conduct.

On Saturday, I said, and I quote, "Grant, shoot that gun more to the right so you don't shoot your sister's eye out." Don't freak, it's airsoft. We totally lined all the boys up and shot them before we let them play with them the first time so they would know how it feels. They all giggled.

When we make bean soup, the fun lasts long after the soup is gone. For days the fun continues.

Here is the thing, we are teaching our boys there is a time for everything. A time to be free and act like a boy and a time to tighten the reigns a bit and act like a human being. Notice I said 'teaching'. So far we haven't convinced each of them of this, but we are working on training their inherent boyness. Let's just call it a work in progress.

Some things we are working on right now?

Girls. Sheesh, one of them is girl C R A Z Y. We have been talking a lot about listening. We have been talking about different love languages. One of our boys is a total words of affirmation guy. We are teaching him that his future bride may speak a different love language that doesn't come easy for him. But he will need to do his best to be fluent in her love language. We have been teaching them about caring so much about her needs, their needs kinda take the back seat. And speaking of back seats. Yeah, we are teaching them that area is off limits. Which is really hard in this world of technology. Internet everywhere. We have a computer program called Covenant Eyes. LOVE! I couldn't figure out why we were getting warning/red flags on our weekly reports. Until I started clicking. At first glance totally innocent sites. Sports stats. Nothing wrong with keeping up to date with sports stats. Then my eyes shot over to the ads on the sides of the page. Woah. Insert song 'Oh, be careful little eyes what you see'.

Everyone has their own family convictions. We are not encouraging the elementary school/middle school or even early high school 'girlfriends'. Since I had one old enough to sit in a high chair I would smile and feed them and say 'no dating til you're 16 buddy'. Seriously, I did. They have heard this and other family convictions spoken to them often their whole lives (okay, for Kendric since he was five, cause that's when he joined the pack). Have they tried to buck the system in regards to dating? Yep! When one was 14 (haha, if you know my kids ages, you know which one!) he came into the kitchen on the phone and said, 'Hey mom, did you hear 14 is the new 16?'. I said, 'no, but I did hear 18 was the new 16'. To which he said to the girl on the phone, 'I told you, when she says it, she means it, she won't budge'. That is as big as the trying to buck the system in regards to dating has been around here. I do have a feeling my girl crazy one will be more of a, let's say... challenge!

So, just because I don't have ALL boys, I do have FOUR. And this mom of boys is doing the best she can to raise them to love Jesus, to love others, to do justice, to love kindness and to walk humbly with their God. And to not eat bean soup within a week of any first date.

Gluten Free/Dairy Free Goodness

2012-01-04T08:57:00.011-05:00

Several people in the last few days have said something about going gluten and dairy free. Instead of sending all this to different people I am posting the goodness here.

Here is my unsolicited advice for the day...

if you are bringing home cuties from a malnourished region of the world, you may want to consider at least starting with this eating lifestyle. I can't promise you it will help the transition, but I can promise you you'll have fewer poop issues. And aren't we all happier when our tummies feel good?

I'll organize this by meals with options for those who like to cook and those who like to buy mixes to make life easier. Although if you are headed down this road, learn to love cooking!

Breakfast: Eggs served all ways, use oil instead of butter to cook. Smoothies. Throw bananas, fruit and a milk replacement in the blender. Mmmm. Pancakes, mix examples below or open the Betty Crocker cookbook, turn to a pancake recipe and substitute a gluten free baking mix or rice flour for the wheat flour and substitute one of the non dairy milk choices below. If a recipe calls for a bit of butter, I substitute olive oil. Cereals, there are lots of gluten/dairy free choices. Gluten free rice krispies at your local grocer. Same with breakfast bars if you prefer. Search 'gluten dairy free cereals' on www.amazon.com. Whole Foods is another good option (although I am secretly holding a grudge because I got tired of them following me around the store demanding I place my case order in advance instead of clearing their shelves because they didn't believe I was shopping for my family. They kept insisting I was purchasing for a restaurant. So when I caved to order in advance, I would show up to pick up my order when they told me to and they would only have two of the 20 something things I case ordered. They would then proceed to call me every day or two to pick up one more thing. And I'm sorry. I don't have time to drive 40 minutes round trip to pick up things every other day. I am a one stop shop kinda gal. Everything I got at Whole Foods I can get from Costco or amazon.com. Okay, maybe I am holding a grudge and a bit bitter!)

As for milk replacements? You are going to just have to have some taste tests. We couldn't use soy, so I can't advise on yummy soy milks. We tend to rotate through milks. We started with goat milk (so spendy), then rice and now we are using almond milk (cause we are cheap and it's in stock at Costco currently) If you are serving this to kids, don't underestimate presentation especially at the beginning. A fancy cup with a fancy straw, a sippy cup where they can't see what's inside, a tea cup, a champagne flute. Uh huh, been there, done that, I feel your pain! Make a milkshake with Rice Dream Ice Cream adding each of the varieties and see which milkshake everyone likes the best. Then tell them they can drink that kind of special milk anytime! Be sneaky, er, I mean.... creative. Yeah, that's it, creative! Note about goat milk: some say they are scared to use it because they think it's too close to cows milk. For us, it worked great. Tweak all this to fit you! We started with so many allergies we had only 22 foods to select all our meals and snacks from. So it's all perspective, but now only eliminating wheat, gluten, dairy, casein and preferring organic, no nitrates/preservatives/dyes/colors is a dream!

Lunch: If you are a sandwich or chef boy ardee or freezer lunch mama, this is going to be hard. We often serve more dinner options for lunch when we are home. Think leftovers. Grill some chicken breasts, throw some rice or quinoa in the rice cooker (get a rice cooker), add some vegis and fruit. If you pack lunch, skewers are fun. Unless you have boys and then it's a weapon. Do it anyway, they don't need both eyes, right?!?! Thread lunch meat, goat cheese, vegis on there and wrap it up. Don't forget the ice packs! Udi's has some mighty fine gluten free bread if you are a sandwich lover. Seriously, it's good. It's just tiny and expensive. Lot's of homemade and other brand options, it's just what we prefer. We find it at our local grocer, but you can get it at that other place too. But don't pick up more than two or they'll chase you out. Note to self: Let It Go! Things to add to packed lunches. Thermos with left overs. Fruit, fresh or packaged (applesauce, fruit cups, fruit strips/leathers). Fruit and nut bars (with all the allergies all the kiddos can eat peanuts, strange, eh?) Chips and guacamole or salsa. Almonds. Rice cakes are a great bread substitution as well. As are rice or corn tortillas. Pinterest has all sorts of cook it in a muffin tin pins. The kids LOVED the corn dog one. I make corn bread they can have a add either a little smokie or cut a hot dog in thirds and push it in the corn bread in the muffin tin. Bake. Add ketchup/mustard/etc. You can bake ahead and freeze these and then pull them out for lunches or a fun treat. I blogged in Dec about it if you want to look.

Sorry the above pic is so small, but these are typical things I pack in lunches.

What if your kiddos is at school and they are having a pizza party? Make pizza!

There are many mixes, we love Bob's Red Mill brand because we can buy it by the case directly or through amazon. Add tomato sauce, goat cheese and whatever toppings you love. Easy. An easy twist on this is pizza pops as my kids call them. We add everything to the bowl you would use to top a pizza and then spoon the mix on a cookie sheet or put a mound in a muffin tin for muffin shaped pizza pops. You can make a bunch and then freeze them for future use. Smart.

Dinner: This is the easy part. Eat like your Granny use to eat. A meat: pay careful attention to seasonings and sauces. Go simple until you learn what is safe. A starch: rice pasta, corn pasta, potatoes (bake em, boil em, mash em), rice (brown, white, long grain, mixed), quinoa (I like it, I don't crave it, but if I add guacamole or salsa I am a big fan). A vegi: don't add butter and read spice labels as crazy things get added. Once you have spent a couple weeks eating simple dinners you will probably be ready for a change. So change it up! I'll add some recipes. But don't expect measurements or anything fancy. I am not fancy. And I cook like my Granny.

Treats: Invest in some popsicle molds. And use them. Once frozen, pop them out, bag them in freezer baggies and make some more. Be crazy and let them eat popsicles as snacks. They'll think they are special and kinda sneaky getting away with such a luxury. Smashed fruit. No added sugars or icky stuff. Now, who is being sneaky?!?! One of our favorites is taking marshmallows and dairy free chocolate chips creating a banana boat. We make them camping instead of smores (although you can buy or make gluten free graham crackers). Cut an oval shape out of the banana making a trough (sounds bad sorry). Fill with the goodies, add the banana lid, wrap in foil, bake til melted. Enjoy! If you are simply eating gluten/dairy free you can really tweak most any recipe. It's scary at first. It is. But don't let that fear stop you from trying. Take 30 minutes a few times in the first week and make something. It could be simple like something with a pre bought mix or it could be a tweaking of your favorite recipe. If you have things you love and need help tweaking, email me and I'll help you. jenapenner at gmail dot com

What about school parties? Yeah, these are the absolute death of me. I am blessed to have children who are very use to this. They were 2, 4, 5 and 7 when we started this way of eating for our 4 year old. When we whole heartedly switched everyone our oldest was going into 4th grade. Yeah, that was fun. So please know, I understand what you are going through! Here are some tips. Communication is the key. Your child's teacher must be a good communicator. You must be a good communicator. Your child's teacher does not need to add stress to their day because of your child. It is your responsibility to teach your child to know what they can and can't eat. We've had epi pens, we've had one of our kids who liked to have seizures and try to die on us because of all this. I understand. Please do not be 'that mom' who drives every other mom crazy trying to cook, bake, provide gluten/dairy/allergy free treats for your child. You provide it all, teach your child to know what they can and can't have and I promise you as they are at school you will be at peace. Are you sensing my mommy tone here?!?! Take a plastic shoe box and fill it with treats your child loves and can safely eat should someone drop off a special snack you don't know about. But honestly, you should know about the majority of special snacks in your child's classroom. Volunteer to be the room mom, purposefully cause then you know the when and the whats. Ask for a birthday calendar so you know when people are bringing cupcakes. Email with your child's teacher regularly, to check in with them. It may not be their responsibility, but don't let them forget. Come alongside them to make it easy for them. If they use food in their curriculum, make sure they are communicating that with you in advance so you aren't thrown in a tizzy.

And one last mommy tone piece of unsolicited advice in case you are starting this eating plan with a child. It's hard. It's sad. It pulls at your mama heart. It's not fair. I often hear mamas say, 'but I can't make them'. Yes you can. You are the parent. They won't starve. I guarantee your child already loves lots of gluten/dairy free foods. Stock up! Purposefully add those items they may be hesitant of eating. And make them try it. And if they don't like it? Make them try it again. It takes an average of 8 times for kids to like new foods. Don't battle over food. Love them enough to not give up. They'll get there. And so will you. And you'll all feel better. And that's the point, right?!?! If they are younger, let's say 5 ish and under, I wouldn't even talk about it a lot. I would just get rid of any food that has wheat/gluten/dairy in it, and make them their snacks and meals as normal. If they ask for mac n cheese and you don't have an Annie's gluten free box in the pantry, just say, 'sorry hon, we don't have any right now'. Keep it simple. There is a time to go into in depth explanations with your young child. This is not one of those times. And if that doesn't work, do what I did and blame it on 'that mean doctor who told me I have to feed you like this'.

Watcha Doin'?

2011-12-26T15:55:00.004-05:00

napping

resting my eyes

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

takin a break

hiding from the kids

Totally lovin all these sleeping people and having remote power!

Mom? Making Christmas ornaments for next year. They are going to be soooooo cool!

Num!

2011-12-17T11:56:00.003-05:00

If you have hung out with me for any amount of time you know I am the proud mama of some allergy (to everything) children. We are getting pretty daring adding foods back in. It's been a good 7 years of no wheat, gluten, dairy, sugar, yeast, corn, soy, nitrates, colors, etc around here. We've started with the lowest culprits for each kid and had pretty good success. What's the big deal with a little rash anyway?!?! We have it pretty much down to no wheat, gluten, dairy, casein, nitrates, colors and stuff we can't pronounce. Our newest addition of corn and cane sugar back into the diet has opened a HUGE amount of wiggle room! We are going slow with adding stuff back in. Like we've been doing it about 18 months now. Little by little.

I saw this post on pinterest. Confession... I am now addicted to all foods in cute little muffin tins.

Addicted may be an understatement.

My friend, Erin, first introduced me to an amazing little breakfast recipe, also from pinterest. Num, num, num! So I typed muffin tin recipes into that pinterest search bar. Woah! The cuteness is overwhelming!

Anyway, back to our lunch! I used this recipe tweaking it, dumping the butter and using almond milk instead of cow milk. Then we squished in a little smokie type thing they can have. We could have also cut our Applegate farm hot dogs in thirds instead. Then we added a bit of goat cheese, which they tolerate well! Baked it up for 15 ish minutes at 400 degrees. And the eager little ones gobbled them all gone. Success. It's is so stinkin fun to be able to take recipes and tweak them! So fun!!!

PS... the gluten free/dairy free snickerdoodles were an epic fail! It's hard to not be able to use butter!

Woah.

2011-12-12T08:15:00.003-05:00

Adopting the Older Child: Tinkerbelle, Tinkerbelle, Tinker All the Way (Adjusting)

2011-11-22T17:57:00.002-05:00

"But as soon as they arrived home, nothing that worked with the other kids we had raised seemed to apply to these new two..."

Ever hear the phrase 'no two siblings are alike'? In our house not one of the six even mimics anyone else! I'll probably get some hate mail with this one, but adopting an older child is not the same as having a baby the minute they arrive. You missed stuff. Lots of stuff. Don't fret about that. I promise you will get to see lots of firsts with your older adopted child! But don't be surprised when what works for one child won't work for another child. Embrace the crazy, try lots of different things and don't give up until you are successful!

"Early one morning, I was reading one of the books...and I came upon a chapter that said that children can get 'stuck' at the age of a major trauma. That hit me like a two-by-four. Our daughter had suffered a series of extreme traumas when she was six years old..... Was it possible that she was 'stuck' at six in a twelve year old body?"

"After this, I got it. Yes, she might be intellectually twelve or physically twelve, but inside she was a six year old little girl. Within 24 hours we had changed our strategy and approach with her, and everything changed for the better."

"So you may be thinking by now that if you let your child do these 'regressed' things, you are not helping him grow or make progress Don't worry that you will keep your kid 'stuck' at a regressed level if you make these adjustments. Once given the chance to be every age, your child will 'catch up' as he is ready."

When our two adopted kiddos came home from Uganda we parented them like they were infants. We introduced infant/toddler toys. Yes, they were 4 and 5. But they weren't ready to be 4 or 5 yet. They were totally into those baby toys for about 6-8 months. And then they moved on. When they were 5 and 6 they were loving Fisher Price toddler/preschool toys. They are now 7 and 8 and still love some preschool toys, but mostly love things that other early elementary age kiddos love. I realize 'toys' don't relate to emotional health. And in our house emotionally I don't think my kiddos are 7 and 8 yet. But ya know what, they aren't two anymore!! I was talking with a friend today and was reminded and encouraged to not fret when leaps and bounds aren't happening.... it's okay to be grateful for the slow and steady growth and progress!

Don't let anyone make you feel bad for doing what your child needs. If your 16 year old needs to sit and play legos with you at the table, do it! If your 8 year old needs to stack blocks with you, do it. Just remember the more you can do with your child instead of 'in the same room with your child', interacting with them, the better off you are both going to be!

Adopting the Older Child: Keep It Small (Adjusting)

2011-11-21T08:15:00.003-05:00

If you didn't catch my post Sunday, this week we are talking about the book

Fasten Your Sweet Belt: 10 Things You Need to Know About Older Child Adoption by Jodi Jackson Tucker with Agnes Tucker

Chapter One: Keep it Small, Skip the Mall (Adjusting)

"... not only was a mall too overwhelming for a child from an institutional environment or a simple village, but even our home was overwhelming for our kids initially."

"I didn't realize just how small I needed to make their world at first to let them slowly learn and cope and master our environment."

Shrinking their world is a beautiful thing! They are use to not much. Don't change that.

I know it's hard, you want to bless them with things they never dreamed of having. People who love you and them and have been right beside you through the adoption process want to be excited and that usually means gifts and things! Say no! Let them be excited through filling your freezer with meals. Let them be excited through sending cards in the mail to all your kids. You can be excited, they can be excited with stuff.... later. Waaaaaaaay later. Like the second year they are home at the earliest.

If you already have a houseful of kids and stuff, clear out the stuff before you bring your kiddos home. I promise everyone in your home will be happier! Things like flushing the toilet and turning on (and off, and on, and off) a light switch are going to be enough fun. Trying new foods will be enough excitement. Learning how to maneuver refrigerator doors and microwaves will be plenty. Kids who are not use to having a closet full of clothes don't know what to do with a closet full of clothes. When they don't know what to do with something, they get stressed. Don't stress them! Keep it simple. Very. Very. Simple!

Take time to teach them who mom and dad are. And that mom and dad meet your needs. You meet their needs. Not brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends. You. Mom and dad. Teach them that family is forever. Trust will take time. So start big with meeting their needs at first, so that later down the road, after they trust and are attached to you, they can learn that in addition to you there are others they can trust. I know your mom can be trusted and is excited to love big on your new child. I know your Granny wants to cook and bake and shower this child with gifts. Explain to them that you are grateful and thankful and they can do all those things. Later. Waaaaaaay later! If all those other people are way more fun than you while you are trying to teach family, boundaries, how your family operates, you are going to have trouble on your hands and attachment will take longer. And nobody wants that!!!!

"In the end, try to keep life as simple as possible when your kids first get home. Spend family time together doing old-fashioned, basic things, like playing cards or taking nature walks. Our kids really enjoyed that time, and to be honest, we did too."

Adopting the older child

2011-11-20T09:33:00.004-05:00

When we started talking about adoption many years ago everyone assumed we were talking about adopting a baby. We have many a niece and nephew who were adopted as babies. Our family is so blessed to have had these babies join our family. For us, we weren't really drawn towards infant adoption. Our desire was to adopt the older child. Older in adoption is a strange term. Some adoption photolistings list special needs by a child's picture. If you pay attention on many pictures you won't see any true special needs, you will see 'over three' listed in this space I thought would be reserved for medical conditions. Over three? Really? Three doesn't seem very old to me. For some, yes, I suppose. But I guess that is the great thing about adoption. What is right for your family doesn't have to be what is right for mine. And for our family adding a baby wasn't the right thing. Our hearts were called to the older child. Over the next week or so I am going to be blogging about Jodi's 10 Things You Need to Know About Older Child Adoption. You can find this book on Amazon as well as www.fastenyoursweetbelt.com. Check it out!!

Vivian

2011-11-09T08:02:00.003-05:00

Have you ever met one of your sponsor children? It's really an incredible event! While in Uganda I got to meet one of ours for the second time. I also got to witness someone else meeting his sponsor child at Bethany Village. His name is Larry and he is from California. It was beautiful. The sweet smile that oozed out of the little girl was precious as she hugged her sponsor. A few steps back was a younger girl, about 6 years old. As we went about our day at Bethany Village we ran into the two girls again right before lunch time. The sponsor child front and center and the younger girl a few steps back. The younger girl's name was Vivian. She was not sponsored, nor did she go to the school her friend was allowed to attend because of her lack of sponsor. She had about a 20 minute walk back to her house. Yet she didn't go home until her older friend finished school each day at 4:30. That is a lot of waiting with nothing to do for a young child. Little Vivian watched as the sponsored school children ate lunch. Little Vivian just sat patiently waiting for her older friend. The two girls were sweet friends. You could tell from quite a distance. My new friend, Larry, was so happy to see his sponsor child several times that day. We both started asking questions about little Vivian who was always a few steps away. We were told about her family life, her situation. God bless Larry who boldly said, "I want to sponsor Vivian". Now, Larry had several sponsor children, but he knew Vivian needed his support. And he freely gave it to her. Vivian really didn't understand what was happening, but her friend kept whispering details to her and the girls were holding in the giggles. I kept thinking how fun it would be to have a slumber party with those two sweeties! As we went to sit down for lunch I couldn't let go of the girls hands and brought them to the table with me. The two girls sat around the lunch table with many important officials eating away like it was a Thanksgiving feast. I don't think it was in the adults who were touring us around Bethany Village plan to have the girls eating with the adults at lunch. But it was God's plan for those girls that day. And I was so thankful to see their plates heaped high with food, to see the smiles on their faces as one rejoiced for her little friend and one processed the gift which was laid in her lap this day. And to see Larry as he allowed God to use him for a purpose that is so much bigger than $30 a month.

I'm really here!

2011-10-26T08:06:00.002-04:00

I am sitting on a patio listening to the birds and watching butterflies. In Uganda. And I am so very happy.

We arrived last night, made all our connections and received all our luggage! We got to see Godfrey! We slept at a babies home in Entebbe. Crawled under our mosquito net and fell fast asleep. This morning the most beautiful little voices singing woke me. It was precious. I enjoyed my cold shower and rushed out to see the older kids before they left for school. So happy I woke up in time. I got to meet a little one who we 'prayer sponsor'. A friend who adopted from this babies home asked friends to be prayer sponsors with the kids at the babies home. We have sweet little girls pic on our fridge. And it's our blessing to get to pray for her, but to get to meet her?!?!?! What a moment. The big kids ate and were off to school while the younger ones were getting their showers, dressing and getting ready for breakfast. It was so fun to be with the kids. Before we left Keith pulled out his guitar and we enjoyed singing and dancing with these precious ones.

And then we got a rolex. On the side of the road. And it was just as delicious as I remembered! We've made some other stops dropping things off here and there and seeing some familiar faces. Fun day.

And I met this baby. Who is adorable. And I want to hold her for the rest of the day. And she is named one of my favorite names. And she just woke up. So I gotta go!!

Tomorrow!

2011-10-23T19:16:00.002-04:00

Tomorrow we will crawl out of bed. Go to Philly. Then Brussels. The Rwanda. Then Uganda. And then we shall crawl back into bed under a mosquito net!

Yesterday was a fun day and a stressful day all in one. Briley had his last band competition of the year. They had a great show! Marching Titans felt another win. And it felt good! They were a bit sad to not win Grand Champion (kinda like best of show). A few of the seniors were talking about how they would have liked to have gone out with a bang. And then we got on the busses to go home.

And on our way a car almost hit our first bus. And then the car hit the back of our second bus, sending the bus across traffic and into some trees which abruptly brought the bus to a stop. And then the car headed straight into our bus and at the last second swerved so the impact was not head on, but instead made the passenger side smash into and bounce off the bus and land roadside.

And then we didn't really like that we had wished to go out with a memorable bang. There was a lot of organized chaos. There were some hurt kids. Thankfully the injuries in all vehicles were not life threatening. It was a long night. Or an early morning. Whichever way you want to look at things. I guess it's all about perspective. Watching parents who only know 'two busses hit, injuries' race to the scene and search in the dark through the pile of kids in different places brought panic to my heart. I was thankful I was sitting next to my little tuba man and I knew he was okay. Tears fell down my cheek watching kids run into their parents arms. It was emotional and sweet all swirled together.

While it was bad and I wouldn't want to repeat the experience, it could have been so much worse. I am not letting my brain play the what if game. I can't. I am going to play the thankful game. Thankful my mama is here and how even at my age, she brings me loving comfort and encouragement. Thankful my little 6 pack is about to be nestled in bed safely for the night. Thankful for the opportunity which awaits Keith and I as we travel to Uganda in the morning.

May your tomorrow be a beautiful thing!

To Uganda in 4

2011-10-20T08:33:00.004-04:00

The question I get asked the most when people find out we are headed to Uganda is "Are you adopting again?" The answer.... Not that we know of! I am excited about many things, so I will tell you one thing per day. Cause this blog may be pretty inactive while we are in UG!

We are very excited to get to spend a day with some very special people to our little Ugandans. The JjaJjas. Keith was able to see them when he went to Uganda this spring. I have met one (JjaJja Constance above), but not these sweet two below. Are they not adorable?!?! I am also super excited to see JjaJja Nani and Papa, my parents, who will be flying in to stay with our kiddos. Those kiddos match if not exceed my excitement. Today I am feeling blessed to have JjaJja's in our life! And kinda wishing I hadn't told the kids they were coming..... "Are they coming today?" "How much longer til they arrive?" "Are you leaving yet?"

Ugandasomnia

2011-10-19T11:32:00.003-04:00

It's been a couple nights with a lack of sleep around here. 7 out of 8 are sleeping soundly. Good percentage. Just wish the 1 out of 8 wasn't me! It's very like me to wake up at 4:45. 2:45 is just ridiculous! Who wakes up on their own at 2:45?!?! Maybe it's just my body getting ready for the big time change. In 5 days I'll be off to the country that forever stole my heart. To say I was excited would be an understatement! I have dreamed of going back to Uganda for three years. That's a lot of dreams. And tonight me and my friend Lunesta are going to snuggle into bed and dream of Uganda. Is it bedtime yet? Oh wait, it's not even lunchtime.

Not Me Monday

2011-10-17T17:42:00.004-04:00

I have never done a 'Not Me Monday' post before but as my day went on and on and on today, I thought it fitting.

So, it most certainly did not take me THREE days to complete my first try at yarn braids. Missing church because of said hair not being complete. Nope, not me.

There is no way when the vet assistant asked me what my dog ate I answered, "Dog food". Nope, not me. And when she prodded further I can assure you I did not answer, "The kibble kind". No way! Not me!

PS.... There is no way I would just throw out there that the dog who eats dog food of the kibble variety needs a new home. I would never use my blog as a way to get someone to take our dog cause she needs a new home. Before my mom arrives Saturday. Yeah, I would never.

And I would never ever think of holding a pee sample in my hand from one of my children and say as I was driving it back to the doctors office, "Please remember this moment when you are 16 and hate me. Remember this day that I loved you enough to carry your pee through the parking lot, through the office, up to the reception desk and hand it over to the receptionist". Nope, not me.

So there ya have it. Could you imagine if the above was true?!?! Crazy. So glad none of that happened to me!

And that's all I have to say about that

2011-10-17T10:06:00.000-04:00

Another First

2011-10-06T10:22:00.005-04:00

The Fair.
This was ride one. Two happy faces, one not so sure face. I am happy to report they were all smiles by the end of the first ride....and all rides after!

We ended our evening with Kutless who put on a great show.

Great night enjoying family and bumping into many friends!

True Love

2011-09-30T09:17:00.003-04:00

Many years ago a young man walked into a restaurant where a young lady was working. He put a piece of paper down on the counter and said to the young lady something like, 'Did I waste my money?'. The young lady looked at the paper and it was a marriage certificate application with her name and his name. Not the most romantic marriage proposal I have ever heard, but ya have to give him creativity points.

The two married. They raised three children. They helped raise 13 grandchildren. I think their great-grandchild count is currently 24ish.

The man continued to be the king of romance. On his wife's birthday he would say, "Happy Birthday. What kind of pie are you making?". On their anniversary there were no chocolates or flowers. On Christmas the man would say, "Merry Christmas".

When I was younger, my grandfathers lack of gifting things to my grandmother or planning a special day would drive me crazy. I would think to myself, when I get married, my husband isn't going to get away with that! Now that I am older I understand more about true love.

True love is Pa and Granny praying together.
True love is Pa and Granny sharing their dinner table with anyone, anytime.
True love is Pa and Granny falling asleep in each others arms. Every. Single. Night. And waking up the exact same way.
True love is Pa and Granny looking at each other like high school sweethearts at the Homecoming Dance for all these years.
True love is always being there for the other person and supporting them in their likes, hobbies and goals.
True love is enjoying each other over a piece of pie.
True love is looking past the things and loving your spouse just as beautifully and with as much excitement as the day you married.

Time often changes people and things. My grandparents constant love and dedication for each other is inspirational. The twinkle in Granny's eyes when she looks at Pa melts my heart. I can't wait for my grandchildren to see that twinkle in my eyes when I look at Keith.

Beautiful!

2011-09-29T17:01:00.000-04:00

Emotional Regulation: Upstairs/Downstairs Brain: Abbie Smith, LCSW

2011-09-28T12:04:00.001-04:00

Most of you have probably heard about the left-brain, right-brain concept, our right brain being our emotional side and our left-brain being our logical side. In his new book, “The Whole Brained Child,” due out in early October, Daniel Siegel introduces the concept of the upstairs and downstairs parts of our brain. The downstairs part of our brain is with us when we are born and never leaves us. It’s the very primitive part of our brain that keeps us breathing, our heart beating, and other basic systems — the systems that we cannot control — going. It contains our survival reaction like fight or flight, or freeze. For our first 2-3 years of life, it holds our earliest type of memory — sensory memory.

Constructed throughout childhood, the upstairs part of our brain goes through a major remodel during adolescence. This is why teenagers are so illogical and impulsive; their cortex has gone “offline” for a few years. Some researchers now believe that the upstairs part of our brain continues to develop throughout our life.

A child’s first three years of life are critical for laying the framework for the upstairs brain. This area is where all of our higher functioning happens. At 2-3 years old we start becoming capable of storing memories in a narrative or story form. This is also when children are able to remember that if Mama leaves, she will come back. If the framework is weak or missing in areas, it will greatly impact how often, when, how long and how strongly the downstairs brain overtakes the upstairs brain. This happens even more often in children who are internationally adopted, and who probably didn’t get the proper nurturing and care to build a solid upstairs framework. Their downstairs brains are constantly running up the stairs and pounding on the door, ready to take over the upstairs brain. Oftentimes, they don’t have a strong enough upstairs brain to calm the downstairs brain before it panics and takes everything over. Remember when I said that our downstairs brain stays with us for our entire lives? Well, when a child’s downstairs brain overtakes them, it can also trigger their parents’ downstairs brain. We then have two primitive brains that are scared and in flight, flight or freeze mode! Has this ever happened to you? Nothing good ever comes out of two downstairs brains at odds with one another.

So what can you do?

The first thing is for you, the parent, to take good care of yourself. Eat right, drink plenty of water and get enough sleep. Be sure to make time to re-“create” yourself. This is so easily over-looked or given low priority, but it is so important if you want to respond to your children in a way that will help them as well as your family as a whole.

The same basic care will help your child stay in their upstairs brain; only they need to eat and exercise every two hours! That’s right. Every 2 hours. They cannot afford to have the additional stress of low blood sugar. It weakens their upstairs brain. And the exercise dissipates the built up stress of a constantly alert downstairs brain.

The second thing you can do is to think about how each of your children’s downstairs brains tend to react. They may or may not have a pattern of how they respond. Do they freeze and withdraw, become unresponsive, stare at the TV or off into space? They can actually become a little bit dissociative and not remember what happened for a few minutes. When they say they didn’t hear you, that could actually be true. Maybe your child takes flight when their fear is triggered. This can happen fast and in response to something that you may not have even noticed. Your first priority, of course, is to keep your child safe from their own downstairs brain. Some children fight when they are scared. This can be physical, verbal or oppositional behavior. Their downstairs brain figures it is safer if it strikes first, or if it can keep the “perceived” aggressor engaged in discourse it will stave off the abuse.

When your child’s downstairs brain has staged a coup, take a few deep breaths and do your best to keep your downstairs brain downstairs! Being able to recognize the dynamics that are occurring is usually enough to keep a parent upstairs, realizing that their child is reacting to a past trauma. The child has been thrown into the past by their over-alert downstairs brain. They are not reacting to you or the current situation. Their downstairs brain is confusing the present situation with a past trauma and has overpowered the upstairs brain to save everyone! This powerhouse thinks it is fighting for survival and, at one time, it probably was!

When your child’s fear response has unleashed the downstairs brain, address that fear with love and kindness. Keep those deep breaths happening and even let your child hear you calmly exhaling. Stay with your child. If you can hold her/him without escalating the fear, do it. Don’t touch them if they push you away or ask you to stop. Stay calm. This will pass. If you can keep the fear out of your voice, reassure them that they are safe and you want to help them. Keep repeating this if they can tolerate it. If there is any routine that you have with your child that they relate to feeling safe, like a bedtime song, try singing this a few times. Notice your child’s breathing; is it slowing, even ever so slightly? If their fear response increases with you talking, stop talking and try another approach. Maybe there is a scent that calms your child, or music. Remember your child’s upstairs brain is being held hostage, so do not try things that require thinking. Your job is to “lend” your child your upstairs brain to help him/her realize they are safe.

There are situations in which a child is so terrified that they are not able to keep themselves safe, or may even be a danger to others. In these cases, your first priority is to keep everyone safe!

Once your child has calmed down and their upstairs brain is back in control, nurture them for as long as necessary to be sure that they are stable again. Your child will be very spent after one of these experiences of being flooded with fear. You may need to hold them for an hour. Stay with them. Food and drink is a very grounding experience, and it would be good to feed them when they are ready. After emotional and physical balance is re-established, see if you can talk to your child about what happened. If they are having trouble getting in touch with their feeling or admitting it, identify the fear for them. Tell them that you understand. Tell them that this happens to kids and grown-ups when something reminds them of a really scary thing that has happened to them. Assure them that they are safe now and you want to help them with these strong feelings. As you talk with them, see if they can tell you where in their body was the very first place they could first feel a slight twinge of uneasiness. The goal here is to help them develop awareness through their body of when they are getting triggered. This will take a lot of repetition and probably the help of a therapist.

Work out some kind of a signal for when the child is feeling scared and needs your support to keep their downstairs brain downstairs. For really little kids, sometimes calling it the “anger monster” or some other entity helps them talk about it. If the child is so scared they are losing their speech, signals work well. If there is a lot of chaos and you aren’t able to hear your child, they can get themselves in your line of sight and do the signal. The signal can be anything from touching their nose or chin, or tugging their hair or ear. If they do this, everything else needs to be dropped and your focus needs to go to responding to this child’s plea for help. This is a wonderful sign of attachment (having your child come to you for help) and needs to be attended to and celebrated!

September 19th, 2011 | Category: Behavior Management, Parent Education / Resources

3 years

2011-09-25T12:54:00.010-04:00

3 years ago our couch looked kinda crowded.

You should see it now that the kiddos are 3 years bigger!

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
a time to be born, and a time to die;a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal;a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh;a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose;a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a

time to tear, and a time to sew;a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate;a time for war, and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

During the last three years we have felt every emotion possible for one to feel. We have cried, we have laughed, we have fallen apart, we've had friends pick us up, we have rejoiced at tiny little steps forward, we have ached when hurts are deep, we have clung to Jesus tightly, we have seen three years of progress, we have felt each day of raising children from hard places and we have been blessed.

Beyond belief.

Most sweetest picture ever

2011-09-18T19:45:00.000-04:00

Source: tumblr.com via Meghan on Pinterest

You Made Me Your Own

2011-09-14T17:13:00.001-04:00

Wordy Wednesday

2011-09-07T09:06:00.005-04:00

Mom: "Clark, please go put your dirty clothes in the washer."
Quietness all around.
Followed by giggles.
I follow the giggles.
And then see this.

Around the dinner table talking about our day/family/etc
KaiaRose: "I'm just here for the food."

Clark: "MOM! There is no toilet paper in here!"
Mom: "There is toilet paper under the sink"
Clark: "That is too much trouble. I'm going upstairs."

Elena and KaiaRose were talking about how many kids they were going to have. Elena said she would have as many kids as she could properly handle. Then she asked all the other kids how many they wanted. Briley said 2. Grant said he would have to ask his wife first. Clark said 4. Kendric didn't know. KaiaRose wouldn't answer until everyone else had. She then announced she would be having one more than anyone else. Competitive much?

Elena: "Can I have a two pocket folder with prongs please?"
Mom: "Sure. Why?"
Elena: "I would really love to assign myself some extra homework. I'm not getting enough. I have read three Helen Keller books this week (by the way, it's Tuesday). I was thinking about assigning myself a comparison book report."
Grant: "Is she for real?"

KaiaRose: "Mom. How do you spell beautiful?"
Kendric, "Oh, I know that one. M-O-M."

I'll Be Your One

2011-09-06T09:42:00.004-04:00

I know that in the world of Orphan Care it can be hard to know where to start, what to do, how much to do. Don't get overwhelmed by numbers and statistics. Pick one thing, one organization, one cause. And do that one thing well. If you can sponsor one child, you are helping one child! If you can do something to educate others about orphan care, good for you. If you can support an organization doing great things, woohoo.

If you are already connected with your one thing or if you need help knowing what that one thing is, consider attending the Together For Adoption Conference in Phoenix, Arizona October 21st and 22nd. You will learn so much, be able to connect with others and be filled up so you can be sent back out to do His work.

This song inspires me. Y'all know I am all about music and how it moves me to action. Love this song. Can you be someones one?

I'll Be Your One by Adam Cunningham from the album What About Tonight

After all the mountains die
After all the oceans have dried
And the world is done
I'll be your one

You listen hard to hear the cheers
But they're drowned out by all the tears
And you know, you know there are none

I'll be your one
I'll be your one you can count on
I'll be your one on who you can lean
I'll be your one who will listen
To every word you speak
I'll be your one

You will know my words were true
When I said I love you
And I'll be, I'll be your one

Look at me here I stand
With a love that will always last

Therapeutic Parenting: When Our Kids Are Stuck

2011-09-05T07:48:00.002-04:00

We learn a lot from other parents. A new mom has helped our family recently. You can see here blog HERE. She has a lot of experience with attachment issues. I have enjoyed her youtube videos A LOT! Here is one. You may want to check out the others! I did!

Most Asked Uganda Adoption Questions: Where To Stay

2011-09-02T05:43:00.000-04:00

There are many, many options. It really depends on the region you want to stay. Kampala, Jinja, Ft Portal, etc. I will give you some Kampala options as most will end up there for passport and visa times.

Bridge Africa Guesthouse is run by Patrick Sserunjogi. He is a wonderful man who has a wonderful family. We love and miss them very much! You can contact Patrick either through email at patrickserunjogi@gmail.com, or by phone at +256-772-400-559. The guesthouse is on Gabba Road which is the same road the American Embassy is located. There are three bedrooms. One has its own bathroom, the other two share a bathroom. Sweet, sweet Alfred is at the house to take care of all your needs. He became a great friend during our 6 week stay. He was amazing and taught us many things and helped us in many ways. You will be well loved and hooked up with many American conveniences like warm water, internet, DVD Player, etc. Last time I checked the rates were $20 per person per night, kids free. This included breakfast.

The new Awaka Guesthouse is located on Rubaga Road in Kampala. We have never stayed here, but it's very popular right now! It is very centrally located and easy to get into the center of town from. The guesthouse has 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, a kitchen, dining room, living room and spacious secured compound. The master bedroom has it's own bathroom and is our largest bedroom. The two other bedrooms share a bathroom. They charge per room and not per person. The master bedroom costs $25 a night. The two other rooms costs $20 a night. Internet is available and included in your room charge.To book contact guesthouse@awaka.org.

Adonai Guesthouse #2 is right behind the embassy and I have heard it's a great place to stay. They have a big room with four beds and a private bathroom and a balcony that seems to be the most popular room. If you want the big room you will need to request the big room.

There is a guest house run by a missionary family who lives in Uganda. It too is close to the Embassy. Contact herbellen@gmail.com. Haven't stayed there either.... but this info was sent to me and I trust the sender!

If anyone who has been there has other suggestions, please post them in the comment section and I will update with your info. It's great to share info, isn't it?!?!?!

Growth

2011-09-01T07:13:00.002-04:00

Oh my goodness. Preface, I have had two HUGE cups of coffee and been up since 3:23 a.m. Rambling is to be expected. Here we go.

We have this kid. His name is Clark. He entered the world at a very normal 7 pounds 11 ounces. After his big brothers 3 week early, 9 pound entrance, I was very happy for this little sized bundle. He shrunk some and always stayed on the small side. Well, maybe tiny would be a better descriptor. Every well child visit would come and they would go to plot him on the growth chart and the pen would scan down, down, down and they would set the growth chart down. He never made the chart. Until the end of second grade. For height or weight. Tiny, but mighty we call him. He is now 12 and 3% for height and 2% for weight. He may look like a first grader in middle school, but he can outsmart many high schoolers.

Clark gets bussed across town to a pre engineering and technology middle school. They have school uniforms. They call it SMOD (Standard Mode of Dress). I have a rule about school clothes shopping. I don't participate until the weather turns cool, about October/November here in the south. Except SMOD rules forced me to break my rule this year. SMOD equals black or khaki shorts or pants. No loops, extra pockets, cargo shorts or anything slightly fashionable. Polos or button downs in purple, yellow, black or white. No, they don't have a bumble bee as a mascot, but they should. This is our second kid to grace the halls of this particular school, so we should have had hand me downs, right? Wrong. Think back to Mr. 3 weeks early and 9 pounds? Yeah, he isn't a ton bigger than Clark, but he has a sloppy genetic disposition which allows him to stain every piece of clothing within a week.

Ya know who did something else within a week of school starting this year? Clark. He had a growth spurt. So all those SMOD clothes we bought him... yeah, they don't fit anymore. Sigh. So today on our one week anniversary of school starting, it's back to shopping I go. He is so very happy with his little growing self. And I am too. He has big dreams of making it to a size 10 by the end of 6th grade. Go for it kid, you just go for it.

Firsts

2011-08-31T09:43:00.004-04:00

I often hear adoptive parents who adopt older children mourn the loss of all the firsts they missed. And rightly so. You don't have a picture of the first smile, the first steps, the first tooth. I encourage you to get creative though!

We have a TON of first pictures. First bathtub? First nail polish? First time roasting marshmallows? First big huge headband with a big huge flower? First time sitting in Daddy's lap reading a book? First donut?

Today Kendric and KaiaRose had their first donut. Please don't tell my older four kids. Who are allergic. To the world. They don't read the blog. I wasn't going to post the pic, but it was just too cute. So shhhhhh!

Most Asked Uganda Adoption Questions: How you behave matters

2011-08-29T09:52:00.003-04:00

How you behave matters. I think I've said that one before. It's true. I promise.

Parenting can be tiring and frustrating. If you are in Uganda and you are tired and frustrated, vent those things in private. That doesn't mean in a guest house with Ugandans in the next room who can hear you. That means in your room, in private, to your spouse.

Traveling in a different country can be so stressful. I'm sorry. I know it's hard. I felt it myself. If you need to release that stress, please do so respectfully.

Waiting for paperwork, waiting for appointments, waiting for passports, waiting for food, waiting for your clothes to dry during rainy season, waiting for court documents.... the waiting can be overwhelming. While we should be pros because we've waited on the homestudy, waited on the I-171H, waited on the referral, waited on the court date, waited, waited, waited, waited already.... waiting is one of the hardest things. In our American drive through, get what you want, instant gratification culture, we don't get trained to wait well. But please, while in Uganda, do everything you can to turn that frown upside down and be proud of the way you wait gracefully.

How you behave in Uganda matters.

If you are

patient, kind, gracious, above reproach, loving, caring, funny, honest, light hearted, gentle, joyful, reserved, loyal, witty, humble, cooperative

you are going to be showing Uganda the respect it deserves.

And shouldn't you be proud to show respect to your child's birth country?

Adopting? Want a grant? Apply here!!

2011-08-26T09:22:00.003-04:00

Because Every Mother Matters (BEMM) sells tacky for Africa headbands for $10. $4 goes to the lovely lady who made the headband, the remaining $6 goes to fund projects for BEMM. Read here for that info.

http://toliveloveandlaughtoday.blogspot.com/2011/05/10-journey.html

Now, if you are adopting from anywhere in the whole wide world you have a GREAT chance of receiving a BEMM grant. Read below (copied straight from Steffany Boster's Blog) and please let me know who is participating. I need a name to tag with my donation!

Adoptive Parent talk....

I have a confession to make. I'm serious...don't laugh, but BACE (You know...before adoption changed Everything!) I was pretty much the "weird mom" that nobody understood. I seemed to never fit in anywhere. I tried. I really did. I would act interested in the same things other mommas liked even though my my mind drifted elsewhere..It wasn't until I became a STBEAP (soon to be expecting adoptive parent) that I became aware that there were other BACE and STBEAP people like me. All of a sudden for the first time in 30+ years I didn't feel..you know...um..weird and alone. After we suffered our first ARM (adoptive referral miscarriage) I realized that I had a new family. A family of BACE, STBEAP and some ARM's and they were wonderful. For the first time ever I witnessed community. A group of people who looked beyond themselves who, yes...were slightly weird like me and stood for something that beat with in my own heart. I found AP's (adoptive parents)! When our first children died in Liberia before we could bring them home and during the transition of bringing our twins home from Ethiopia that weighed 10 pounds at 2 years old AND me bringing home a sick pregnant Ethiopian momma home with me thus starting BEMM (Because Every mother Matters) YOU WERE THERE! All of you..the BACE, STBEAP, ARM, and AP's.My family. A community of people like me. It wasn't long after that I became a PASOP (post adoptive stressed out parent) and yes..You were still there. Encouraging me. Loving me. Supporting me. I consider the adoption community my family. The ones that get it. The ones that are laughing at my BACE, STBEAP, ARM...because you understand.
Here it is...You are my family. You are my community. I'm calling on you once again as a JAMT6KWRANPTHPMO (Just a momma to 6 kids who runs a non-profit to help prevent more orphans) to support me. My org is currently raising the funds necessary to purchase an ambulance that will service 10,000 people and save 20 lives a month! We Need 20K in two weeks. This will prevent up to 40 orphans a month! Awesomesauce, right? ...Yes. but what about the 160 million orphans that need a home TODAY! I found it's so easy to get on my PAHH (post adoption high horse) and only support prevention. Yet...my family is my family because of adoption and I believe in my BACE, STEAP, ARM. AP's and placing children in loving homes. Period.
So...WE (BEMM) is donating $2500 towards a family's adoption when we meet our 10k goal. Wait...wait...How will we do this? We are counting on the community I have come to love and trust to help us help them. We need $ to help fund our projects that were inspired because all of our board (minus 1...but this one has more heart and has personally served more in Africa than all of us combined) are AP's who were were once BACE, STBEAP and some ARM's..my point! We get it. We get you. We love our kids, your kids..We know it takes ALL of us to make a difference.

The details.
For every $20 donation you or ANYONE you know gives to www.bemm.org(have them mention your name) YOU will be entered to win 25% of the 10k we raise.
You do not have to be an AP to enter...You can submit a name into the drawing.
Here is where it gets COOL! Our goal is to raise 10k by Sept 4th. What ever is raised above that will be split up by 50% thousand...
If 10k is raised then 25% will towards one adoptive family
For every additional 1k raised after 10k then 50% will be donated to an additional adoptive family...up to 20k
The breakdown
Give $20 and you are entered to win (not adopting? Just want to give $20 ? Write a friends name down and it will be credited towards them)
After 10k each additional 1k will be split 50/50 with an AP.

If we raise 20k in 2 weeks then 1 family will receive $2500 and 10 additional families receive $500 a piece for every 1k raised.... That is $7500! 11 adoptions helped and an ambulance funded that will prevent 40 orphans a month!!!!!!

To make this work...We need you to donate $20 AND help spread the word. Remember the more we raise the more we can give towards potentially 11 adoptive families!

Donate $20 today and enter in your name if you are adopting or another family wanting to raise money for their adoption!

*only $ donated with someones name on it will go towards this fundraiser*

First days...

2011-08-25T15:07:00.001-04:00

Most Asked Uganda Adoption Questions: Thoughts

2011-08-21T18:29:00.004-04:00

Oh man, has my head been spinning about ethics in adoption over the last week. This brain of mine always thinks about ethics in adoption, but I have been spending some time this week questioning why I think certain things. I don't even come close to knowing it all. My experiences shape me. My perspectives are different than some. I am what I am.

Who do you want to be in regards to the global orphan crisis?

Not, how do you want to be known in the global orphan crisis,

but who do you want to be...

even if not one earthly person knows your good deeds?

For me it all comes down to ethics. I want to be ethical in regards to the global orphan crisis. Whatever I do I want to do it with high standards, excellence and without regret.

What about you?

Most Asked Uganda Adoption Questions: Loss In Infant Adoption

2011-08-16T04:50:00.001-04:00

There seems to be a debate over those who have adopted infants and those who have adopted older children. I haven't ever adopted an infant. I am quite certain every adopted child feels loss. Perhaps it's not in the first month home with an infant, but the loss is there. I can't give you first hand information with infant adoption. So let's listen to Dr Karyn Purvis, shall we?

PS.... Today we celebrate another adoptiversary! And we'd like to thank Micah Pattisall for sitting through the hugging, smooching and tears.... and then the peeling off of children so he could take us to the airport!

Children from Hard Places from Tapestry on Vimeo.

Most Asked Uganda Adoption Questions: Loss

2011-08-15T05:32:00.000-04:00

Adoption and loss go hand in hand. Sadly. Today I am going to tell you a story of loss our family experienced. I often hear people say 'my child' once they have a referral, but before they go to court to adopt the child. That is a slippery slope. Once you get that referral picture it is hard to not fall head over heals in love... all in. I know from experience.

In April 2007 we saw a picture on an agency photo listing of a 6 year old girl. For the next six months her picture was our screen saver. We had been actively pursuing adoption for almost four years through the foster system. Looking at photo listings became a daily activity for me. We were at a point where the closed doors just kept coming and we decided that perhaps those closed doors were not bumps in the road, but for real closed doors. Yes, we are slow. We were trying to figure out the whole international adoption thing. Selecting a country was harder than we thought. Keith came home one day and said, 'Liberia'. I didn't know where Liberia was. I was laughed at when I started looking for it in South America. Keith picked up the globe and turned it to Africa. We had no clue the child who became our screensaver was from Liberia. We soon found out once we started finding out more about the face we had been looking at all those months.

On October 2, 2007 we accepted the referral of a six year old girl in Liberia. Her name was Jenneh. Pronounced like my name, but spelled differently. I fell head over heals in love with little Jenneh. I called her 'my child'. I prayed for her just like I prayed for my bio kids. I cried myself to sleep over her often because I wanted 'my child' home so badly. I showed her picture to everyone who would look. We dreamed of the day she would come home to us. We planned for our future together as a family. We were desperate to bring 'our child' home.

If anyone followed Liberian adoptions in that time frame you know things pretty much shut down in January of 2008. We buckled down for a long journey to bring 'our child' home. We would wait it out. That was 'our child' after all. We were sad to have to wait it out, but that's what you do when it's 'your child'. On Memorial Day weekend our agency director called us. She was very honest, very truthful and to the point. We had officially lost 'our child'. We cried. We mourned the loss. I still see her face every time someone says 'Jena'. Which is a lot. Since it's my name.

This was the second loss of a referral we experienced. When we decided to adopt in Uganda while waiting it out in Liberia, we were referred a boy. Once we accepted his referral, they took him for a medical appointment. He was found to be HIV+. We were told we could not adopt him. We told them HIV+ kids didn't worry us. We still wanted 'our child'. They said no. We could not convince them to let us adopt 'our child'. Was it fair? No. But when you sign up to adopt in a third world country (well any country for that matter) you don't make the rules. But you are bound by them. And by the way, nobody lists the rules for you. It's just the way it goes. Any guesses on who the first child we saw when arriving at Kendric and KaiaRose's village? The little boy who was HIV+. The one we thought was 'our child'. My heart stopped. I wanted to scoop him up too.

So why all the details? Because there were so many things that we felt were God orchestrated, yet didn't end up with 'our child' home with our family. It taught us a very important lesson. These children are not ours. They are God's children. And He loves each of them more than we could imagine. He has a purpose for each child's life. We don't know how the story ends for all these kids who desperately need a family. But we know God cares for them and knows their name.

Make no mistake. God brings 'your child' home to you. Please don't think I am saying not to jump in and fall in love with that referral picture. People ask us all the time why we don't celebrate our 'Gotcha Day' the day we met Kendric and KaiaRose. It's because in Uganda, we never felt like we could say 'this is our child' until we had those visas in hand!

Many people have experienced the falling in love with a child they thought they would bring home. It's so hard when it doesn't happen. Loss is not fun.

We'll be talking about other kinds of loss the next few days.

Most Asked Uganda Adoption Questions: Fundraising

2011-08-14T05:54:00.003-04:00

"I feel uncomfortable asking anyone to help us pay for our adoption"

You do?

Why?

Why would you not want to give others the chance to be a part of this child's story?

Why would you want to make them miss out on the blessing you receive when you give?

Why wouldn't you want to use fundraising as a way to advocate for the orphan?

Fundraising can be used as a great opportunity to share your heart for adoption, orphan care and caring for the vulnerable. USE IT AS SUCH!!

Yard sales. Pancake breakfasts. Spaghetti dinners. T-shirt sales. Sell something from your future child's country. Daddy/Daughter dance. Movie night. Carnival. Raffles. Auctions. The list is endless.

Fellow adoptive mama Julie Gumm wrote this fabulous book. She takes you through many ways to raise the money required to adopt.... from tightening the purse strings to great adoption fundraisers. Read this book!

Many people aren't called to adopt. But we are all called to do something to help vulnerable people. One way to jump into orphan care is to financially help those who have been called to adoption. So below, check out what others are doing to answer their call to adopt. And if you can, help someone. Help one. There is a big difference in becoming overwhelmed at the big picture and realizing that we are only so big. We can't help everyone. We can most certainly help one. Focus on the one.

Most Asked Uganda Adoption Questions: While you wait

2011-08-13T05:53:00.006-04:00

Once you land in Uganda you will learn more about the fine art of waiting! There are several things you can do to help pass the time.

Stop by the Embassy to pick up the IOM Medical form.

Schedule the medical exam at the IOM or walk in. If your child is over 2 years old they will need a TB test. Three days after the TB test you will have to go back to have the test read. So plan accordingly!

Get visa and passport pictures taken. The Visa and Passport pictures can be the same, but need to be printed in different sizes. The number of pictures you need for each seems to change often, so just ask! Here is current visa picture info from the Embassy Website.

Visa Photo Instructions

The photographs for each applicant must be an unmounted, full face photo, as described below

The photographs must have been taken within the last six months.
Photo Size
The photo for each applicant submitted must measure:
2 by 2 inches (5 cm x 5 cm) with the head centered in the frame.
The head (measured from the top of the hair to the bottom of the chin) should measure between 1 inch to 1 3/8 inches (25 mm to 35 mm) with the eye level between 1 1/8 inch to 1 3/8 inches (28 mm and 35 mm) from the bottom of the photo

Photo Appearance

The photograph must be a full-face view in which the visa applicant is facing the camera directly.
The applicant should not look down or to either side, and the face should cover about 50 percent of the photo area.
Side or angled views are NOT accepted.
The photograph should be in color, and must have only a white or off-white background. Photos with dark, busy, or patterned backgrounds will not be accepted.
In general, the applicant's head, including both face and hair, should be shown from the crown of the head to the tip of the chin on top and bottom and from hairline side-to-side. It is preferable that ears be exposed.
Head coverings and hats are only acceptable due to religious beliefs, and even then, may not cover any portion of the applicant's face.
Sunglasses or other wear which detracts from the face are not acceptable unless required for medical reasons (an eye patch, for example).
A photograph depicting a person wearing a traditional facemask or veil that does not permit adequate identification is not acceptable.
Photos of military, airline, or other personnel wearing hats are not acceptable. Photographs of applicants wearing tribal, national costume, or other headgear not specifically religious in nature are not acceptable.

Digital Photos

Digitally reproduced photographs must be reproduced without discernible pixels or dot patterns. Photocopied photographs are NOT accepted.
Applications submitted with photos that do not meet this format cannot be processed until new photos have been provided.

Where Can Photos Be Obtained
The following vendors in Kampala provide photos that usually meet these requirements. This is not an endorsement of these vendors, and any complaints regarding the quality of photographs or service provided are a matter to be addressed directly between the client and the vendor. This information is simply provided to applicants to assist in locating various photo vendors in the Kampala area.

City Studio 66 Kampala Road 075 986 873

Colour Chrome 54 Kampala Road 0414 230 556

Colour Plus Garden City Mall 0712 130 000

Fotogenix 22 or 85 Kampala Road

Spend lots of time with your little one/s. Some people have a really hard time with this because it is hard to parent the kids while they are still in the care of the orphanage or babies homes. Most won't allow the child/ren to stay with you until you have the written ruling and order in hand. This means that while you are trying to bond and get to know each other, the child will remain with orphanage rules and discipline. So many adoptive parents struggle with this. Of course you want to guide your child how you want to from your first meeting. It's hard to watch aunties with your little one if you parent differently. Expect to parent differently. It's okay. Be respectful of the guidelines and rules at the orphanage or babies home. How you behave matters! The aunties have a very difficult job. They deserve your utmost respect. Different babies homes and orphanages have different rules. When you agree to work with them, you are agreeing to respect and abide by their rules. Once your sweet thing is home, you can start parenting however you wish. As wonderful as adoption is, it's a lot of changes really fast for everyone. Don't be afraid to give everyone some time to adjust to all these wonderful changes!

Most Asked Uganda Adoption Questions: Travel

2011-08-12T05:52:00.000-04:00

We used

Carlo with CBY Travel (773)478-5381

for our adoption travel. We loved the experience. He was able to get us a humanitarian fare which allowed us to take 3 bags and return with 2 bags. Our flights were changeable with British Airways. Which came in handy. As we changed our return tickets not once, or twice, but FIVE times. You just don't know when you will complete the in country process. And he was kind and polite all five times. We were never charged a penny for changing our flights. This is huge people!

Erica Shubin is a fellow adoptive parent who can also get you amazing rates. She works fast and is so nice to work with. Bonus? You also get, for free, an amazing prayer warrior added to your family! You will love working with her and getting to know her! Erica can get you the same great stuff Carlo got us.

erica.shubin@gmail.com

I think the small extra fee to make your flights changeable is the way to go if you are traveling for the court process. If you are making a visit ahead of time, or making your way through the process in two trips changeable flights aren't that big of deal.

Humanitarian flights with extra baggage allowance is a great way to go as well. This will allow you to bring donations. You do not need three suitcases to pack your clothes.

Let's talk about packing

*If you want an item in the first three days, pack it in your carry-on. I'm not saying your luggage will not arrive. I am just saying Keith and I packed very differently and only one of us had clothes for court!

*In your carry-on pack your handy dandy notebook with all the notarized in blue ink originals and copies. Also, at least two changed of clothes with one of them being nice enough to wear to court if your court date is within the first couple days of arriving, medications, allowed toiletries, an outfit for your little one/ones, did I mention the notebook yet? Please, please, please do not pack your notebook in your suitcase. I know it's big. And heavy. It's okay. It's worth the bulk!

*You totally don't have to pack like this, but after 5 trips to Africa since our adoption, it's the way we roll. We pack for ourselves in our carry-on. We pack for others in our suitcases. You just don't need a lot of clothes. Really. You don't. We pack 5-7 outfits.

*Our outfits are in the darker color groups. There is orange dirt in Uganda. If you wear white or light khaki pants, they will turn orange. You may want to change the light colored shorts and pants for darker khaki's/light browns. Skirts that have patterns are great. Then the orange just blends in. I had bloody knuckles trying to get our light colored clothes clean via hand washing. Just trying to save your knuckles!

*Think about bringing medications you would have on hand at home. Children's tylenol/advil. Diaper rash ointment. Cold/flu medications. Sour tummy medicine. Sunscreen. Insect repellant. Band-aids. Cortisone cream. Neosporin. You can get medicine there, but you may not be able to read the ingredient list!

*Where you are staying and what you are doing will also determine what you should pack. If you are working in a babies home, you may need some extra shirts as babes may leave presents down your back! If you are visiting villages you may want to pack something besides flip flops. If you are speaking at a church you may want to bring your fancy pants.

Most Asked Uganda Adoption Questions: What should we wear to court?

2011-08-11T05:52:00.000-04:00

Dressing for court.

Always ask your attorney what they suggest. Then do what they say! Here are some basic tips for dressing for court.

Kids.

Do bathe them.

Do lotion them up.

Do dress them in comfy Sunday best.

Do bring a sweater. Trust me. When it hits 75 Ugandans think it's cold. And if it hits 75 degrees and you don't have a sweater for your little one you will get the evil eye. Like we did.

Do stuff any pocket with a little trinket they can play with.

Do put shoes on them.

Our little lady kindly sat down in the judges quarters and threw her shoes off, but at least the judge knew we cared enough to give her shoes! You don't have to make them look like the fanciest kid at the party, but have fun playing dress up for their special day!

Ladies.

Do cover those shoulders.

Do wear a skirt or dress that covers your knees when sitting.

Do be modest.

Stuff little toys/trinkets and snacks in your purse to help pass the time for your child.

What is that? You don't own a dress or skirt? Hit Goodwill sister!

What is that? Your luggage didn't make it and all you have is the sweat pants you wore on the plane? Beg the lady down the hall in the guesthouse to borrow something, or tell your attorney and have them lend you something, or go shopping!

Is wearing pants really that horrible? Well no, but out of respect for the way Ugandans do things, show off your girly side.

Men.

Do shoot for business attire.

Do iron that shirt.

Do shave or trim that facial hair.

Have a pocket? Stuff those pockets with anything you can think of to keep your little one quiet in court!

Do you really want to take up half your suitcase bringing a suit? You can. Or you can wear slacks, a button down and a tie. Perhaps throw in a suit coat.

Above all, look modest, professional and tidy.

And don't forget the pocket stuffing. Court days can be long days. Bring anything you can to make it as pleasant as possible!

Most Asked Uganda Adoption Questions: Court Date

2011-08-10T05:52:00.000-04:00

Once you are given a court date by your lawyer, the real excitement starts. You may have 8 days notice like us. You may have two months notice. Uganda adoption is not a cookie cutter system. Things vary. A lot. Wish I could tell you at day 68 this will happen, at day 72 this will happen. I can't. She can't. He can't. They can't. It just doesn't work like that. Enjoy learning all about flexibility!

You will attend two court hearings. Usually.

Remember your handy, dandy notebook. BRING IT! And all those extra notarized in blue ink copies! If you sent it to your attorney, you should also have a copy (or three) in your notebook in your hands in court. Yes..... notarized. In blue ink. Everything. Even the copies.

Some other things that have been asked for you may consider sliding in that notebook. Bring documents certifying pre adoptive training or classes you took. If you are adopting a child with special needs you may want to take a couple classes or get some special training.... and include this documentation. Have pictures of your home, the adopted child's room, your family. Have copies of your diplomas. Have copies of your social workers diploma. Post placement reports if you have previously adopted. Proof of health insurance. Some people are asked for a couple of these things. Some are not. I would not stress if you don't have these things. I would just suggest you consider going the extra step so if you are asked, you are extra prepared.

Court hearing #1: You will arrive at high court at the appointed time your lawyer instructs you to arrive. You will have your belongings searched. You may be asked to show ID. You will walk up stairs. While you wait to be called for court you will wait in the outdoor waiting area or breezeway. You may wait a short amount of time or a long amount of time. Be prepared. Be flexible. Typically 'court' takes place in the judges chambers. There is a desk, chairs, perhaps a couch. It reminded me of an office. It may be a good idea to bring someone who can wait outside with the child if they should cry or cause too much noise in the judges chambers. The clerk will be there taking notes like a court reporter would here in the states. Your lawyer will talk for you. The judge may ask lots of questions to your attorney, to you, to the orphanage director or anyone else present. The judge may not. Be ready for anything. Remain silent unless spoken to. If you are asked questions, simply answer them honestly. The judge is not there to find every possible thing wrong with you. The judge is there to hear your appeal for legal guardianship. The judge is there to rule in the best interest of the Ugandan child. The judge wants each Ugandan child to have what they need to be raised with loving care and support. The judge wants what is best for the Ugandan children. You'll know if the judge has questions! At the end of court hearing #1, the second court date, the ruling, will be scheduled.

Common questions:

Do both potential parents need to be present? It is advised, but not required.

Do we bring the child? Yes.

What do we wear? Check back for a whole blog post on this one!

We are trying to gain legal guardianship of biological siblings, will the judge hear the cases at the same time as if it were one child. Other people in this circumstance have said each child may be scheduled back to back with the same judge.... very similar to a single child.

We are trying to gain legal guardianship of two unrelated children, will the same judge hear both cases. Sometimes, sometimes not. This was our situation and we had two different court dates with two different judges about 5 days apart.

Court date #2: You will arrive when told and wait the same as the first time. You will usually be called into the judges chambers, just like the first time. Our judges both read the ruling and granted us legal guardianship. It was a short visit with the judges.

Common questions:

Do both potential parents need to be present for the second court date? No, but it's way fun to hear the judge say you are granted legal guardianship. You should totally do everything possible to have that experience! And if the judge does not think having this child join your family is in the child's best interest... wouldn't you both want to be there to support each other?

So what is next? Next you wait for the written ruling (one ish page document stating the judge grants you legal guardianship) and the written order (similar to a court deposition).

How long did it take for you to get these papers? With one child we had the documents the next morning. With one judge we waited 15 days. While I realize waiting is hard, I encourage you to use that time of waiting to jump into Ugandan culture as well as continue getting to know the newest member of your family! Uganda is filled with incredible people. Enjoy every moment you are privileged to spend in your child's birth country.

Most Asked Uganda Adoption Questions: Adoption vs Legal Guardianship

2011-08-09T05:51:00.002-04:00

This is going to be long. The information below is written by Freda Luzinda- US Dept of State. And it's good. Grab a cup of coffee and read it all. I was going to just cut and paste a couple parts, but decided on keeping it in it's origianl form. Enjoy! So thankful for her time researching and her care and dedication for the children of Uganda.

Information found http://www.thewayforwardproject.org/

Our instructions are to advise on any other laws or regulations other than the Children Act pertaining to child welfare, domestic or inter-country adoption, foster care, guardianship, family reunification or preservation. I have examined the laws of Uganda enacted in the year 2000 and amendments thereto. I have also examined laws of Uganda enacted from the year 2001 to 2011. My findings are divided into subsets examining laws relating to child welfare, adoption and foster care, guardianship and family reunification or preservation.

1. CHILDWELFARE

In considering child welfare, we have analyzed provisions relating to the general well being and safety of children.

a) The Constitution of the Republic of Uganda 1995

i. Article 17(c) imposes a duty on every citizen of Uganda to protect children and vulnerable persons against any form of abuse, harassment or ill treatment.

ii. Article 31 (4) provides that it is the right and duty of parents to care for and bring up their children.

iii. Article 34 provides for rights of children generally and relates to various child related welfare issues namely;

 Basic education which is the responsibility of the State and the parents of the child.

 Entitlement to medical treatment, education or any other social or economic benefit by reason of religious or other beliefs.

 Protection of children under the age of 16 from social or economic exploitation employment in work that is likely to be hazardous or to interfere with their education or to be harmful to their health or physical, mental, spiritual, moral or social development.

 Child offenders kept in lawful custody or detention must be kept separately from adult offenders.

 Special protection of orphans and other vulnerable children.

b) The Maintenance Orders Enforcement Act Cap 17

This Act facilitates the enforcement in Uganda of maintenance orders made in England and Northern Ireland and the Commonwealth and the Republic of Ireland. Also under the same Act, maintenance orders made in Uganda can be enforced in England, Northern Ireland or the Republic of Ireland

c) Succession Act Cap 162

Under Section 38, Court may make an order for maintenance of a child from the estate where a deceased person leaves a will that does not provide for the child‟s maintenance.

d) The Prevention of Trafficking in Person Act 2009

i. Under Section 5 it is an offence of aggravated trafficking in children which bears the maximum sentence of death. Aggravated trafficking involves;

 recruitment, transporting, transferring, harboring or receiving a person, by means of the threat or use of force or other forms of coercion, of abduction, of fraud, of deception, of the abuse of power or of a position of vulnerability or of the giving or receiving of payments or benefits to achieve the consent of a person having control over another person, for the purpose of exploitation or engaging that person in prostitution, pornography, sexual exploitation, forced labor, slavery, involuntary servitude, death bondage, forced or arranged marriage;

 use of a child in any armed conflict or commission of a crime;  removal of any part, organ or tissue from the body of a child for

purposes of human sacrifice;

 abandoning a child outside the country;

 use of a child or any body part of a child in witchcraft, rituals and related practices.

ii. Section 7 extends the offence of trafficking to affect any person who promotes it by;

 recruitment, transporting, transferring, harboring or receiving a child for any purpose without authority of the parent or guardian

of such a child except whether it is done in good faith and in the interest of the child.  abandoning a child. in circumstances likely to cause fear, isolation, injury, pain or other harm; or to facilitate the trafficking of that child. Upon conviction, an offender is liable to a fine not exceeding one hundred and twenty currency points or to imprisonment for five years, or both such imprisonment and fine, and on subsequent conviction for the same offence, imprisonment of seven years without the option of a fine.

iii. Under Section 9, failure to disclose a trafficking conviction when applying for employment which places one in a position of authority or care of children or offering or agreeing to take care of or supervise children is an offence carrying a punishment of a fine, not exceeding three thousand currency points or to a term of imprisonment not exceeding three years or both.

iv. To protect the child victims of trafficking, proceedings of the court are conducted in camera, outside the presence of the media as per Section 13 (2).

e) Penal Code Act Cap 120

Within the Penal Code Act, there are various offences related to child welfare as detailed below.

i. It is a misdemeanor under Section 156 for a parent, guardian or any other person having the lawful care or charge of a child less than fourteen years of age and being able to maintain such child, willfully and without lawful or reasonable cause desert the child and leave it without means of support.

ii. Under Section 157, child neglect is a misdemeanor. This offence involves failure by a parent, guardian or any other person having the lawful care or charge of a child of tender years to provide sufficient food, clothes, bedding and other necessaries for such child, so as thereby to injure the health of the child.

f) Public Health Act Cap 281

i. Under Section 38, it is mandatory for parents or guardian of every child born in Uganda shall, within twelve months from birth to cause the child to be successfully vaccinated by a public vaccinator or medical practitioner.

ii. It is an offence under Section 50 for a person who, while suffering from any venereal disease in a communicable form, to accept or continue in employment either as an employee or on his or her own account in any place in any capacity entailing the care of children. An employer also commits an offence if they knowingly employ such a person or had reasonable means of knowing or suspecting that the person was suffering from the disease.

g) Local Governments Act Cap 243

Within the local Government Council‟s child welfare has been decentralized and is handled at both at District and lower local government level as provided in Section 16, 25,47 (2)(b)

Further, the roles and responsibilities of District Councils include child welfare services as evidenced in the 2nd schedule part 2 clause 2 (c), 5 (v), 7, 13, 23 and 28(d).

h) Succession Act Cap 162

The Succession Act through various sections provides for the protection of children‟s welfare in the event of death of their parents or guardians.

i. Children‟s advancement is taken into consideration during distribution of an intestate‟s property. Section 33 provides that where a share in the property of an intestate is due to a child or any lineal descendant of a child of the intestate, no money or other property which the intestate may, during his life, have paid, given or settled to, or for the advancement of, the child to whom is due shall be taken into account in estimating their share.

i) Food and Drugs (Marketing of Infant and Young Child Foods) Regulations Statutory Instrument No, 278-1.

This Act generally governs and regulates marketing of foods to parents and guardians of expectant mothers and parents with a view of maintaining children‟s health.

2. DOMESTIC AND INTERCOUNTRY ADOPTION AND FOSTER CARE

Adoption and Foster care in Uganda are governed by the Children Act Chapter 59. The Children (Adoption of Children) Rules- Statutory Instrument 59-1 provides for the procedural requirements for making applications for adoption.

In order for a non- Citizen to adopt a child, they would have to have stayed in Uganda for at least three years and fostered the child for at least 36 months. This provision may be waived in exceptional circumstances however the exceptional circumstances mentioned as a requirement are not specified in the law and have been left to the court to determine.

3. GUARDIANSHIP

There are no laws in Uganda that specifically relate to guardianship. Guardianship orders are applied for under section 3 of the Children Act and paragraph 1 (b) of the First Schedule to the Children Act Cap 59 which relate to the welfare principle. The principle is that in making any decision concerning a child, the welfare of the child is of paramount importance. Once it is in the best interest of the child, Court can appoint fit and proper persons as legal guardians. It is also a requirement before any dealing in land registered in the names of a child, that a legal guardian is appointed by Court to act on behalf of the child in that regard. Even the child‟s parents whether biological or not, must obtain a guardianship order before any such dealing.

The crisis with Guardianships in Uganda is that the Act lacks clear provisions on the procedure for one to follow in acquiring guardianship status and does not specifically provide for jurisdiction in matters of acquiring guardianship. In granting custody of children, the Children‟s Act provides for three circumstances: - fostering of children by relatives, fostering of children by families of people resident in Uganda whether citizens or not and adoption of children by families for have stayed in Uganda for at least three years.

4. FAMILY REUNIFICATION OR PRESERVATION

The following provisions relate to family preservation;

i. The Constitution

 Objective 19 of the National Objectives and Directive Principles of State Policy Constitution provides for the protection of the Family.

It provided that the family as the natural and basic unit of society and is entitled to protection by society and the State.

 Article 31 generally provides for the rights of the family. Children may not be separated from their families or the persons entitled to bring them up against the will of their families or of those persons.

 Under Article 34, children shall have the right to know and be cared for by their parents or those entitled by law to bring them up.

ii. Penal Code Act

Under the provision of Section 159, it is a felony punishable by 7 years imprisonment for any person who, with intent to deprive any parent, guardian or other person who has the lawful care or charge of a child under the age of fourteen years of the possession of such child—

 forcibly or fraudulently takes or entices away, or detains the child; or

 Receives or harbors the child, knowing it to have been so taken enticed away or detained.

Comment on recent developments in the High Court Family division: In relation to children being taken to the United States for immigration and adoption.

As stated above, Ugandan Laws stipulate that in order for one to fully adopt a child, they must foster them for 36 months; this fostering period is too long and impractical for prospective adoptive parents that do not live in Uganda.

Because the United States recognizes Guardianship orders and has a Visa Category enabling the child to immigrate for adoption, prospective adoptive parents that do not live in Uganda, are following this route to adoption. This has worked for the most part particularly in the last one year because the Courts had started to provide explicit language in their orders allowing the children to immigrate to the USA for adoption. However, because Uganda statutory law does not explicitly provide for guardianship and inter-country adoption, the Courts are relying on common law in making their decisions. I therefore find it crucial to give an update on the recent decisions made by the family Court in Uganda because they do have an impact on future decisions. The Judges are becoming thorough, explicit and elaborative in their rulings, in a recent case; the judge pointed out the flaws in the Uganda orphan or abandoned child- placement procedures. The child had been abandoned at two weeks old and placed in an orphanage of repute. He lived there for four years until he was matched with an American family for adoption. Unfortunately, the child had never been advertised as abandoned until he was identified for adoption which meant that even the photograph that was used was four years old and there would be no hope of finding his parents. The Judge made it clear that he was not convinced that in placing the child‟s photograph in the newspaper as abandoned, the orphanage intended to find the child‟s birth parents or relatives but only did so to show the Court that they „tried‟ in vain to find the child‟s relatives. The photograph that was in the newspaper advert was for a four year old child yet he had been abandoned at approximately 2 weeks old, surely because children change so much, any efforts to identify them four years later would be useless. Also, a probation and social welfare officer had never visited the child throughout the four years he was at the orphanage and only did so because the courts required it for the Guardianship application. Cases like this one bring it to our attention that Uganda still has a lot of work to do when it comes to record keeping and putting measures in place to protect children. The Judge however made a positive ruling and stated that Uganda had failed to play its part in protecting this child and furthermore that by denying the Guardianship application, the only party that will suffer will be child because he would miss the opportunity of going to the US with people that seemingly loved him.

For those children that are adopted and taken abroad, the Uganda Government is not doing enough follow up on them, despite adoptive families‟ willingness to provide updates on the children regularly. As such the courts are now weary of issuing guardianship orders to non- citizens. Over the last 6 weeks, 3 American families have had their Guardianship applications denied and have been ordered by the Court to return the child/ren back to their orphanages. In one of the cases, the Judge is cited to have ordered that the child be immediately returned to the orphanage and that if the prospective adoptive parents love him so much, they should provide for him while he stays in the orphanage.

Recently, the deputy Justice in the Family Court came up with a report about the plight of “a needy child enjoying benefits (i.e. immigrating with adoptive parents) but with no assurance of protection” in his report he cited the relevant Laws pertaining to Child protection. His concern was that issuing Legal guardianship orders enables the taking of children abroad to jurisdictions which allow for immediate adoption. He says, “... the children are needy and stand to benefit from the promised love, care and maintenance in a family setting but courts are impotent and cannot impose any conditions for the protection of children taken outside Uganda. There is a wave of applicants for legal guardianship orders who have no connection with Uganda at all. They seek to take the children to their countries of origin where they can adopt them without any previous fostering. These strangers who profess deep love for Uganda‟s vulnerable children have made the choice very difficult for the Courts”.

The Uganda child protection procedures lack control, supervision, checks to detect lapses and ability to resolve problems which may occur during child placements. The law is clear when it comes to abandoned children who are placed in foster care homes and orphanages; a probation and welfare officer has got to make regular reports on the child but this never happens. Unfortunately still, when the children become teenagers, they are transferred to a remand home that is the same place where convicted juvenile offenders are remanded.

Much as the Courts are now weary of issuing guardianship orders for immigration, the only party that has to suffer in all this is the child because although the Government prefers to have children remain in Uganda, they are not providing for them adequately.

Just like Uganda has no provision in place to check up on these children when they immigrate to other Countries, there is no provision to protect them when they stay in- country either. So, it‟s a damned if you do it and damned if you don‟t kind of situation.

Recommendation

 One solution to the quandary would be Uganda„s ratification of the Hague convention in order to grant children better protection. Uganda is however still far behind from meeting the conditions of The Hague, there is absolutely no sufficient record keeping processes in Uganda, births and deaths are not required to be registered with the government. Police records in cases of abandoned children are not always kept, for children born in remote areas especially to illiterate parents, even their dates of birth are never known. Record keeping as well as well as compulsory registration of all births and deaths is crucial to this.

 While Uganda plans to get better child protection measures in place, vigorous Hague sensitization drives have got to be put in place. A lot more exposure about what protection there is in place for Uganda‟s adopted children who immigrate to other countries for example, what the U.S government does to protect adopted children once they enter the U.S is crucial in order to re-assure the Ugandan authorities.

 Identification of a group of stakeholders (preferably non-govenmental) in Uganda whose primary aim is to protect children and to commit to it in the long term. unfortunately all or most of the delegates that attended the last conferences on the Hague convention in the United States have since moved on to other jobs; this includes the Judges and Ministers.

The future

Several consultations are going on to try and make the Law on Guardianship clear and/or re-written to provide for all the grey areas i.e. checks and balances on the children after they have immigrated however all these have been going on for over three years now with no conclusions.

Uganda Adoption Q and A: Cost

2011-08-08T05:51:00.005-04:00

Adoptiversary! 3 years ago today we got our court dates and had 8 days to get plane tickets, get grandparents from across the US to us and pack. It was a crazy 8 days! Now back to our regularly scheduled discussion.

Did you plant your money tree yet?

What?

It hasn't grown dollar bills yet?

Hmph.

Mine either!

There is no way to tell the final cost for adoption. It varies greatly depending on so many different variables. Keep checking out info on the adoption tax credit. You will want to be up to date on that information. It doesn't help upfront, but after it can bring great relief.

I am going to be sharing our costs. Attorneys charge different prices. Homestudies cost different amounts. Airfare varies greatly based on when you fly (summer is highest). Where you stay (hotel vs guesthouse) changes costs. So please use this as an estimation. And remember inflation. Our costs are about three years old! It's gotten more expensive. Way more expensive. Sorry about that. We adopted two children at the same time. So our costs are for two kids.

USCIS $720 + $85 per adult for biometrics

Notarized copies of birth and marriage certificates $12 each birth $22 marriage

Homestudy $1200

Yellow Fever Shot $85 per person

Attorney $1500 per child

IOM Medical Exam $100 per child

Airfare $6000 ($2200 per round trip x 2, $800 per one way child x 2)

Guesthouse $25 per night per adult, kids free, included breakfast

Driver $20 per day plus gas

Passport The actual fee on our kids passport says 50,000 Shillings. So even with a horrible exchange rate, let's call that $25. I understand if you have someone getting the passport they need money to pay for gas or get a taxi. You may need to pay for their lunch because they have to sit and wait all day. Or even multiple days. Even with all that, it does not add up to the outrageous fees I am hearing. Don't let them tell you it's $300. Or $500. It's not. Many lawyers take care of this and it is included in your attorney fee.

Visa $404, $402, I can't remember, per child

Food We could eat local food $2-$3 per day per person. We could eat mzungu/sit down restaurant food $15 per day. We did a mix of both. By week 4 in country we were eating lots of local!

Finalization in USA $1204 for two kids.

Things to think about.

*Fun times: You will want to see some things while you are there. Some suggestions. The Zoo. The Nile. The Equator. A Safari.

*Pre-travel (passports, luggage, clothes, etc. Things you need that you don't currently have or can't borrow)

*Gifts: We brought scented lotions, chocolate, hard candies, perfume/cologne, watches, scented body wash for people that worked at the guest house, drivers, people we met. We watched the clearance racks during our wait. Friends donated things to give as gifts. PLEASE READ THIS PART: Do not donate money or give money to your babies home/orphanage/organization while in process. Seriously. Don't. Or when you go to the US Embassy to apply for your child's visa you are going to have to say YES when they ask you if you have. And that would be bad! If your babies home/orphanage has a foster fee they charge. Fine. If you have to send money for your children's medical appt. Fine. If you have to send money to hire a driver to take your child to an appt. Fine. Don't pay for a new wing at the babies home. Don't show up on day one with a new bunk beds for all. Don't promise to fund the next orphanage project when you get home. Don't. Don't. Don't. I know it's hard. You want to bless the people and the organization that took care of your little one. Once you get home and finalize perhaps you can sponsor a child, have a fundraiser, support a Ugandan family adopting from the same orphanage. Once. You. Are. Home. Keith was back in Uganda in May. He got to spend time with the kids JjaJja's. He bought some rice, posho, soap, cooking oil, milk, cookies, laundry soap, beans, etc. in country to give them. Think about how you can bless people after the adoption process. We certainly didn't promise the kids JjaJja's anything during our process. DON'T DO ANYTHING THAT CAN MAKE ANYONE THINK YOU ARE PARTICIPATING IN CHILD TRAFFICKING. PS... DON'T PARTICIPATE IN CHILD TRAFFICKING!

Let's also remember to do everything possible to

1. Support reunification to birth families

2. Find a Ugandan family to adopt

3. If #1 and #2 didn't work out.... then and only then place a child in an international adoption situation. International adoption is needed. It's amazing. Every child should be able to be raised in a family. International adoption is not the answer for every child. It certainly is the answer for some! So thankful it's the answer for some!

I know I've left things out. This is what happens whilst trying to write blog posts with 6 kids in the room. Feel free to add comments.

Most Asked Uganda Adoption Questions: Referral!

2011-08-07T06:07:00.002-04:00

There is nothing like waking up and rushing to your computer day after day after day. Waiting. Then one day you rush to your computer and there it is. A picture. A few tid bits of information about the child that is waiting for you. There is nothing sweeter than seeing your child for the first time.

So how do you get to the point where you get the referral? When we were in the process it was much, much easier. Quick, simple and fabulous. Now? It's not quick, it's not simple, but it's still fabulous when it finally happens!

I am often asked, 'Can you find me a child?'. I wish I could, but that is God's job. I use to have a lot more connections and places for people to call/email/talk with. There are so many people wanting to adopt in Uganda now, it's just not so simple. Many babies homes (babies 0 to 3 or 4 years old) and orphanages (children 4 and up) will only work with a certain number of families at a time. They may have 10 other children who are adoptable, but they can only deal with so many at a time. They may put you on a waiting list. They may say try back in 6 months. They may say, 'You are approved for a girl 0-4? Send me your homestudy. I may have a perfect match for you!'. God's timing is perfect. Sometimes we can't see that until we are on the other side, home with our kids.

Do you know someone in Uganda? Ask them about good, honest babies homes and orphanages.

Do you know someone who had a great Uganda adoption experience? Ask them for help.

Do you have time and resources to make a trip to Uganda to volunteer in a babies home or orphanage early on in your process? Do it!

Do you know that currently babies homes and orphanages are swamped with emails and calls from people wanting to adopt in Uganda? So much so that some have thrown in the towel and closed their doors to adoption? Be nice! Remember Africa Time! Be respectful of those working and those in charge of the babies homes and orphanages. Some homes have also stopped because Americans have not followed their guidelines. If you agree to boundaries and guidelines, please follow through with them. I understand the frustration and how hard it is to wait or to see your child 'parented' in a different way than you would like. It's okay. Follow the rules, treat people kindly and you'll get that little one home and be able to parent them just the way you like. And so will the people behind you in the process.

*If we would all walk our journey with not only our best interest, but the best interest of those behind us in mind, we would walk this adoption path for the good of all. Which means more Ugandan children finding families and being able to come home with their families. I can't stress this enough. How you behave and how you treat people matters. Not only to you, but to those one step, three steps, and twenty steps away from where you are in your journey.*

I am happy to talk about different babies homes and orphanages via email. jenapenner @ gmail . com. I am not an adoption facilitator. Please don't ask me to find you a child. I wish I could, but I can't. I am happy to listen to your thoughts about things that would help me narrow down some options for you. I am happy to share my thoughts on babies homes/orphanages I think may be a good match for you. But you will have to do the work yourselves. Nobody can do that part for you.

If you are looking for a quick, easy, cookie cutter adoption experience, Uganda is not for you. If you are not willing to spend some time in Uganda getting to know the culture and the amazing people of Uganda, Uganda is not for you. It is very important to learn as much as possible about Uganda. The best way to learn is hands on. You won't regret the time you took to learn about Uganda. I promise.

I hope you are still reading because this is the most important part. Please ask if the referred child has any known family. If there is known family, with some assistance, could that family adopt this child? If nobody has tried to find family of this child, there is a problem! It is your job to make sure everything possible has been done to try and reunify this child with this child's family. EVERYTHING! There are so many different scenarios and situations. Each referral has similarities and differences from the next. It's just so important to make sure you ask good questions and find out every little piece of information before committing to a child.

Most Asked Uganda Adoption Questions: Papers, Papers and More Papers!

2011-08-06T06:01:00.000-04:00

Some countries have what is called a dossier. Uganda does not have a dossier, however, we just call it that in the Uganda discussions because it is easier. Dossier equals a whole bunch of papers.

Each attorney has a slightly different list of required papers. You will need to ask them for the requirements. But this will help you jumpstart the process.

Gather these to start. Make sure they are notarized with blue ink. Make three copies of each. Place them in your plastic sleeve in your big notebook.
Home Study
Marriage certificate ( if married)
Divorce decree if previously married
Police records check
Child abuse clearances
Employment Letter (Letter from employer stating employment and length of employment)
Financial document (Letter from employer stating income)
Health Document (Physicals from homestudy)

Your attorney gets to get paper cuts too! They will prepare...
*Affidavit (they will send this to you to sign and notarize in blue ink and you will mail it back via UPS Overnight Mail for a pretty penny.)
*Birth certificate of child/ren you are adopting.
*Probation Report/Care Order
*Things to try and locate any know relative of the child such as newspaper ads or radio announcements.
*Affidavits for any know relatives.
*Relinquishment document (from guardian, babies home or orphanage)

This list is always changing and is very dependent on who you use and the circumstances of your child's past. But this should help either get you started or inform you of the things your attorney is doing. It's not an easy process for your attorney. And there is a think called 'Africa Time'. Locating and getting to known relatives is harder than it sounds. Getting known relatives into the lawyers office is harder than it sounds. You will get to practice the fine art of waiting during this time. Waiting isn't always easy on anybody, but it's what happens during adoption. Embrace the wait! Perhaps you can use the time to get more plastic sleeves or blue ink pens?

Most Asked Uganda Adoption Questions: Attorneys

2011-08-05T05:46:00.002-04:00

Attorneys can be a controversial subject. If you are using an agency, the attorney decision has been made for you. For those of you who have to make this choice I'll throw out some red flags and some suggestions. These red flags are just my opinion based on my experience and living through the experience with many others. I am sure others would not agree with this entire list. That's okay, like I said, just my opinion. Make sure and talk with others WHO HAVE COMPLETED the process about their experiences. Then prayerfully make the best choice for your family.

Red Flag List
*The attorney has not completed a legal guardianship case. RUN!!
*The attorney offers to find you a child. RUN!!
*The attorney charges more than $5000. RUN!!
*The attorney wants paid the whole fee up front. RUN!!
*The attorney won't return emails after they receive your payment. RUN!! And then move on because your money is gone! Don't pay the whole fee up front. My super smart friend paid half once the attorney had everything to apply for the court date and then the other half when they had their written ruling and order in hand. Brilliant! If your attorney wants to do things differently I wouldn't say that is a red flag. Just be really wise and know that most honest attorneys will start your case before receiving payment.
*The attorney tells you they know someone who can speed things along. RUN!!
* The attorney tells you about villages and slums instead of approved babies homes/orphanages when you ask how to find a referral. Ask the attorneys where the majority of the kids come from who they represent in court. If the majority come from the slums or different villages be sure to do your homework and investigate the situation. You may need to RUN!!
*The attorney doesn't use blue ink..... RUN!! Don't ask them what color ink they use, that was a joke people.

I often get asked if I were to adopt again, which attorney would I use. I would use Victoria or Isaac M. There are three Isaac's that I know are attorneys. Isaac E is dad to Isaac O, not to be confused with Isaac M. I actually like all the Isaacs! I don't think you can go wrong with any of them. Here are some email addresses to get you started.

General Email for Nkwanga and Partners which is run by Victoria. nkwangaandpartners@yahoo.com

Victoria mugombwa@yahoo.com

Isaac Mugume mgm_isaac@yahoo.co.uk

Most Asked Uganda Adoption Questions: USCIS I-600a

2011-08-04T06:06:00.001-04:00

USCIS stands for United States Citizenship and Immigration Services. Their website is www.uscis.gov. There is no charge for the forms you will need to fill out. All forms are free and listed on their site. And it's even a pretty easy site to find what you need!

*Forms and processes change often. Please check the USCIS website for the latest information.*

You will need to fill out a I-600a: Application for Advance Processing of Orphan Petition. If you already know the child you are going to adopt, you still need to fill out the I-600a unless someone at the US Embassy in Kampala tells you different.

Turning in the free form is not free. It will cost $720 plus an $85 fee for biometrics is required for each person 18 years of age or older who is living with the applicant.

The form is 3 pages. The first part is basic information. The second part is harder to fill out. Let me help starting with question 10.

10. Name and address of organization or individual assisting you in locating or identifying an orphan. You will put either your babies home/orphanage, your attorney or your agency.

11. Do you plan to travel abroad to locate or adopt? YES

12. Does your spouse plan to do the same? YES or NO

13. If yes on 11 and 12, when? Where? You don't know the 'when' for sure. Throw out a realistic date, your best guess, or you can leave this blank as it does say 'if known'. The 'where' would be Uganda. If you know the town, you may list that as well.

14. Will the child be adopted abroad after having been personally seen by you and your spouse? No

15. Will the state pre adoptive requirements be met prior to or after the child enters the US?Prior (just get it done before!)

16. From what country do you plan to adopt? Uganda

17. Where do you wish to file your orphan petition? The US Embassy or consulate located at: Gabba Road, Kampala, Uganda

Once your application is received at the centralized USCIS office, they send your information to your local office who schedules the biometric appointments based on their capacity/availability. At the same time the centralized office puts your application in que to be assigned an agent who will make the decision on your application.

Here are some helpful items for your viewing pleasure copied directly from http://www.uscis.gov/i-600a

Where to File :

Regular Mail:

USCIS
P.O. Box 660088
Dallas, TX 75266

Express Mail and Courier Service deliveries:

USCIS
ATTN: Adoption
2501 S. State Hwy. 121 Business,
Suite 400,
Lewisville, TX 75067

E-Notification: If you want to receive an e-mail and/or text message that your Form I-600A has been accepted at a USCIS Lockbox facility, complete Form G-1145, E-Notification of Application/Petition Acceptance and clip it to the first page of your application. Form G-1145 can be downloaded through the link above.

Special Instructions :

The Orphan Home Study Tip Sheet, M-760, provides prospective adoptive parents and adoption service providers with helpful tips for preparing home studies for Orphan adoptions.

Note on Filing Fee:

If the fee is paid at the time of filing a Form I-600A, a fee is not required again to file the I-600.

When more than one petition is submitted by the same petitioner for orphans who are siblings, only one set of petition and fingerprinting fees is required. When more than one petition is submitted for orphans who are not siblings, the filing and biometric fees must be included for each petition.

Most Asked Uganda Adoption Questions: The Homestudy

2011-08-03T06:05:00.003-04:00

Oh the Paperwork! They call it a paper pregnancy for a reason! Beware of the paper cuts!

*Before you start anything get a large binder. Place the hole punched plastic sleeves in the folder. Lots and lots of plastic sleeves. As you gather paperwork, place it in a sleeve. As you get things like birth certificates, approved homestudies, approval from USCIS, put them in the sleeve. This is the killer part.... and make three copies. Make sure everything is notarized in the folder. This pile of paperwork is going to get huge. Keep it in a safe place. When you travel pack it in your carry on. When you arrive keep it close to you at all times. Do not leave it behind in the guest house. Carry it everywhere. I promise you will be thankful. And you'll build some arm muscles. And that notarizing everything.... yeah, that part isn't a joke. Make a notary friend right now. You will need to see your new friend the notary often. You will wear them out! When you are in country buying gifts, the best one should be for your notary! Where to find a notary? Your bank, your church, your attorney, your child's school are good places to start. Also, place blue ink pens in the pocket. Because your notary should use blue ink. Anytime you add your signature to anything, blue ink. If you write, blue ink. If you use blue ink, nobody can accuse you of changing a form and then copying it. Blue ink. Big folder. Ready?*

Okay, now that your folder is ready.

Most home study agencies request similar things in order to complete your home study. Birth certificates, marriage certificates, physical for each member of the family, references, taxes for last three years, employment verification, etc. Most homestudies have three different meetings. We'll talk you through what happened during our three meetings below.

But first......
Please know the social worker doing your home study is not trying their hardest to find fault in your marriage, your parenting skills, your housekeeping skills or your life. They are excited you are adopting! I promise! They want to learn about you and your family. They want to identify things you struggle with not to make you sound awful, but with the realization that we all struggle with things. Once you open up to those weaknesses, your social worker can help you, guide you and suggest ways for you to improve on those things. Your social worker can predict possible struggles you may have and give you tools, resources and help to prevent those struggles from becoming obstacles. They are your friend. They don't care if the pillows on your couch are centered. They don't even care if your bed is made! I cleaned for two days to prepare for our first home study. What a waste of my time! Sure it was nice to have a spiffy house, but I am pretty sure I had to apologize to my husband and children quite a bit because of my snarky attitude in making things perfect.

Our first visit was without kids. She asked basic questions, got to know us a bit, briefly looked at our home (she didn't open a drawer or a closet or look under our bed), she gave us a form that listed all the other forms we needed and we set up appt #2.

Our second visit was also without kids present. She talked with just Keith and then with just me. We talked about our relationships with our spouse, children and family members. We talked strengths and weaknesses. We talked about fears and dreams. We laughed. We cried. We scheduled appt #3.

Our third and final visit she collected all that paperwork. She met the kids and talked with them one on one... nothing scary or too deep, it was very age appropriate. One kid farted. One kid picked their nose. And ate it. One kid would only answer yes or no. One kid told her they thought leaving things the way they were wasn't such a bad idea. And after she talked with them, she said how well they did. We talked about what we learned in our adoption classes. We talked about other questions we had. She told us when to expect her rough draft and off she went. And then I was a little sad my new friend was gone!

Homestudy Advice
*If you are certain you would like to add a 4 year old boy to your family, get approved for two children 0-10 years old. Huh? Yes, that is what I meant to type. Here is the thing. I don't know if this is true in all countries, but it seems to be true in Uganda. I can almost guarantee you that 4 year old boy has a 2 year old sister. Call me crazy, but I have seen the investigations turn up siblings here there and everywhere. Do you have to adopt that 2 year old sister? No. Certainly that would be a decision you would have to think through. But if you don't get approved for the possibility... you will have to start back at the beginning... in paperwork and in expenses. And that would stink.

*Make sure and list any special need you are comfortable with in kids. From simple learning difficulties to HIV+ to epilepsy to missing limbs to hearing impaired..... everything!
*Notarize everything.
*Use blue ink on every notarized thing.

*Notarize everything with blue ink.

*Put originals and three copies of everything in your folder.
*Click Here for info from USCIS on ways to make sure you aren't delayed because of your homestudy.

Most Asked Uganda Adoption Questions: The Process

2011-08-02T06:17:00.000-04:00

What is the process? It's so easy this adoption stuff!

Get a homestudy.

Apply with USCIS via your I-600a.

Get an attorney.

Send your attorney lots of papers.

Get a referral.

Empty your savings account.

Get a court date.

Fly to Uganda.

Have court date #1.

Have court date #2.

Get the written ruling and written order.

Get the passport.

Get the visa.

Go home.

Sounds easy, right?!?!?! WRONG!!!! Our next blog posts will go into detail on each step!

But I have to interrupt this set of adoption blog posts for a very important announcement!

Our Laney Bug is 10 today! Four kids in the double digits. My oh my.

What makes Elena special? Her simplistic approach to life. Her love to sit and chat. Her ability to pull out her funny bone at just the right time. She is on the quiet side, but every once in a while, she has us all rolling on the floor belly laughing. Happy birthday sweet girl. You bless us each and every day.

Most Asked Uganda Adoption Questions: Birth Order

2011-08-01T06:48:00.001-04:00

I have read all the books. I have thought through this topic. A lot. And I've come to an unpopular conclusion. Everyone talks about keeping the kids in birth order. We did. We had an 12, 10, 9 and 7 year old when our adopted kiddos joined the pack of penners. The littles ones were 5 and 4. See we did it just like they say. Except after almost three years, I have a new thought. What if we forgot about the bio kids birth order (unless they have a strong opinion) and focused on the adopted kids birth order. Our Ugandan kids lived in places full of kids. KaiaRose was the oldest. Until she came home with us. She then became the youngest. I won't go into her personal details, but I will say she has greatly struggled with this new baby of the family role. Kendric had some younger and some older where he lived. His attachment and adjustment has been a little less bumpy. I have no idea if I am on to something here. It's something I am still pondering and I am very interested to hear if others have thoughts on this.

Our oldest had very strong opinions about remaining the oldest. The other kids didn't really have a preference. For us, we wanted to honor our oldest ones request to remain the oldest, but were open to adopting anyone younger than him. It just turned out the kids remained in birth order. Would we mess up the birth order in the future? Yep, we would. Sometimes God calls us to things that are hard. It's okay. Hard doesn't equal bad.

Most Asked Uganda Adoption Questions: Ages

2011-07-31T06:19:00.003-04:00

Ages

I hear this a lot, "I would like to adopt a baby girl as young as possible." What I want to say in my unfiltered self is "Pick a different country. Uganda is not for you." (I can't believe I just typed that). What I typically say is, "There are infants available in Uganda, but the majority of waiting children are two and up". I think the important thing to remember is you want to have a waiting child matched with your family. You do not want someone trying to find a child. Does that make sense? There are many waiting children. Make sure you are matched with a waiting child. Please don't work with people who go into villages and slums to see if there are any children who match your description. Let's talk hypothetical. Mac goes into a village where poverty is an understatement. He starts talking to people asking if there are any kids who are orphaned. The village people ask him why he wants to know. Mac tells them that he knows people in America who want to adopt Ugandan children. Village people think getting to have their kid grow up and be educated in America sounds like a dream come true. Village people start presenting kids who aren't orphans to Mac. I realize people on mission trips or who have sustainable programs in villages truly do come across children who are orphaned and adoption is the answer for these children. I am just saying be smart. Poverty puts people in desperate situations. Sometimes in desperate situations people don't make the best choices. I promise you this.... you will want to know the truth about your child. You will not want their past to be a bunch of lies. It will hinder attachment and cause extra trauma. And these sweet little blessings have enough trauma without people adding extra trauma.

So what about ages? You and only you will know what the best age range will be for your family. I have never adopted a baby. I have adopted a 4ish and 5ish year old. And our social worker was so right. When it comes to attachment a good rule of thumb is however long they were without you, that is how long it will take to run the marathon of attachment. Many things come into play when it comes to attachment. There are so many variables that it's hard to make rules about attachment. Attachment for one of our kiddos has been easier than for the other. In our situation that directly relates to past loss and trauma. In your situation it could be a whole different story.

The social worker who does your homestudy will surely have some thoughts on the age topic for you. There are many older kids waiting. There are many toddlers waiting. There are even babies waiting. Do your research, PRAY, talk with people, PRAY, ask your social worker, PRAY and don't forget to pray. The ultimate decision is a personal choice you will have to make. Adopting the teenager isn't for everyone. Adopting a baby wasn't for me. People thought I was crazy when I said any future kids have to be old enough to tie their own shoes and use the bathroom independently. I love babies. A lot. I just knew adding a baby to our family was not the right choice for us. And what ever is right for your family, is the right choice!

Next blog? Birth Order

Most Asked Uganda Adoption Questions: Visa!!!!

2011-07-30T17:27:00.004-04:00

The US Embassy in Kampala is on Gabba road. There is no parking. You will need to be dropped off as close as you can to the Embassy and walk. There are plenty of spots. Pack light. You will have to drop your phone, camera, electronics, etc with a guard in front of the lockers. It is safe. Your stuff will be fine. The guard will lock everything up in front of you. There is an outdoor waiting area, you then go through an indoor security area. Smile! Just do what they say and ask. Then it's back outside and then back inside to the cleanest waiting room with actual toilets and toilet paper! It's so exciting!!! There is no food or drink allowed. This is really tricky when you have little ones and you are there for four hours. Eat and drink before you go!

Adoption Processing Appointments are held on Monday and Wednesday's only. You may drop off paperwork or pick up the needed medical form at anytime. Well, as of today that's the way it's done. It changes often, so make sure and check closer to the time you will arrive in country!

You will need all of your paperwork which includes:
Form I-600 Petition to Classify Orphan as an Immediate Relative
2. Form DS-230 Application for Immigrant Visa Application
3. Form DS-1981 Affidavit Concerning Exemption from Immigrant Vaccination Requirements (I know vaccinations are a controversial topic. We chose to not do shots in Uganda because our schools won't recognize them, either will our health dept. So if we got them in UG, we would have had to re do them all once in the states. No fun.)
4. Form I-864 Affidavit of Support or I-864W if a full and final adoption has been completed in Uganda
5. Most recent tax returns, 3 years back
6. The child’s:
a. Birth certificate
b. Passport
c. Irrevocable release from the person/entity that had previous custody
d. Four 2” x 2” photographs
e. Court ruling with petitioner’s name
f. Adoption order with petitioner’s name
g. Care order from probation officer

Once an appointment has been finalized, the prospective adoptive parents should make sure to bring these documents as well to the interview:
1. Evidence of the petitioner’s identity
2. Orphanage file if the child came from a home
3. Death certificates of the biological parent(s) (if deceased) or the presence of the person(s) who had previous custody at the time of interview
4. Immigrant visa application fee ($404)
5. I-600 petition filing fee (not required in all circumstances)

The U.S. Embassy is closed on U.S. and Ugandan holidays. Prospective adoptive parents should keep this in mind when trying to schedule orphan interviews and immigrant visa appointments.

Email kampalaadoptions@state.gov to receive your initial appointment and to inquire that your I-171H approval cable has indeed been received by the embassy. Please inquire about the I-171H being in Kampala BEFORE you leave for Uganda. Several families have arrived to find out their approvals were wrongly sent to Kenya. And they had to wait for it to be transferred. You don't want to wait on this approval to be transferred!

Oh yeah, and don't forget to bring your folder. With originals. And extra copies. Notarized. With blue ink.

Most Popular Uganda Adoption Questions

2011-07-30T13:04:00.004-04:00

For three years we have spent an enormous amount of time talking about Ugandan adoption. We are so thankful it's a subject lots of people want to talk about. We haven't blogged about adoption related topics for a while, so we thought we'd spend a little time focusing on adoption. Since August is the month of many adoption anniversaries for us, it seems like a good time!

Question #1: Agency or No Agency

When we were in process of adopting in Uganda this wasn't a question anyone asked. Why? Because there were no agencies with Uganda programs. If I had to pick agency or no agency I would say no agency. Why? Because that is the way we did it and once you do something one way, it's easy to repeat. And because I am a control freak and going through a middle man drives me crazy. Am I anti agency? No. I am anti certain agencies. But I also really like a few agencies. You can email me if you want more details. Don't be surprised when I list the ones I like and then keep my mouth shut. I don't want to slam anyone. And we all have to make the right choice for our family. So when considering agency or no agency, pray. Pray hard. Pray big. Pray a lot. Don't go rushing into international adoption. When you talk with others for references..... talk with people who have completed the process about the final outcome. It's not bad to talk with those in process, it's just better in my opinion to talk with those who have their kiddos home. If you would have asked me about our process before we traveled I would have spoken highly about many things with my rose colored glasses. Once we got home I would have given you a list of red flags to watch out for and given you a more accurate report.

Next two blog? Ages and birth order.

Followed by? The process, Homestudy, USCIS, Attorneys, Paperwork, Referral, Travel, Court Dates, What to Wear to Court, In Country Notes, Visa Appointment, Going Home, We're Home. Now what?!?! And some others.... but these are the ones I currently have written and waiting to post daily for you.

Head on over!

2011-07-29T20:15:00.003-04:00

Go ahead! Click away! They are doing some mighty amazing things!

Or click HERE and enter a giveaway!

Or HERE and enter another giveaway!

You'll be glad you did!

Ugandans Adopting Ugandans!

2011-07-27T16:44:00.000-04:00

This makes me so very happy!

12 to 8

2011-07-23T18:42:00.003-04:00

When our house goes from 12 people to 8 people it seems awfully quiet. And lonely. And it makes me think Keith may be right. Which shouldn't surprise me. Cause he loves me so much he often knows what is best for me. Before I do.

Changing Roles

2011-07-09T09:55:00.003-04:00

I was seriously holding back the tears when I took this picture! Seriously. When I think of Godfrey and Tina, I think of amazing friends who care and love for us. We love them right back, but each time we've been to Uganda, they are the caretakers. The source of information. The ones giving loving advice. The ones encouraging and supporting us. The ones carrying our bags. The one taking our pictures. I pray we can love and support them now as we change roles. I think they are so easy to love because they have loved us so well.

In the House!

2011-07-07T07:07:00.002-04:00

We love a Toby Mac song called, 'When Love is in the House'.

When love is in the house

The house is packed

So much so I left the back door cracked

Mama always says as a matter of fact

That when love is in the house

The house is packed

Right now as I am typing we have certainly got love in the house! My back door is cracked. And my house is packed with not only my little pack, but with our sweet friends. Godfrey is as funny and energetic as ever. Tina exudes beauty and love inside and out. Timothy's eyes get really big when he sees something he likes. Baby Elizabeth. Oh baby girl. When I held her last night she reached up and gently rubbed my cheek.

So thankful for the love in my house right now.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-07-06T05:16:00.001-04:00

Soon

2011-07-05T05:35:00.001-04:00

Just one more day until baby Elizabeth and family arrive to start medical treatment for her heart. I know there are lots of fellow adoption families who would love to see them. If you live near us and want to hug their necks while they are here.... just shoot me an email and we'll make it happen. jenapenner @ gmail dot com

You Made Me Your Own

2011-07-04T08:15:00.005-04:00

Some songs require kleenex. Below is such a song. It's written by our amazing friend Adam. His second album is going to be released in August and if you pre-order for $10 you get the single below right now for free! Click on the title to hear the song on Adam's facebook page!

You Made Me Your Own
Adam Cunningham

Feeling like I don’t belong
to anything or anyone
am I not good enough
for anyone to love

Every single day that passes
I’m well aware that my chances
go from good to bad
to find a mom, to find a dad

Then, someone told me bout the father
someone told me bout the son
I got down on my knees right there
and now i am one

And you made me your own
you gave me your home
and the love that i need
you made me your own
you gave me your home
and now i am complete
you made me your own

I’m looking for someone to love
asking praying God above
why it’s not fair
I just want someone to care for

When they call out in the night
sing a lullaby til it’s alright
and kiss away your fear
I will be right here

Well, now you came in a different kind of way to me
but i will love you more than that you see
Father brought me into the perfect family
now I see

And you made me your own
you gave me your home
and the love that i need
you made me your own
you gave me your home
and now i am complete
you made me your own

You made me your own
you gave me your home
and now I am complete
you made me your own

Jesus loves the little children
All the children of the world
You made me your own

Dads and Necklaces

2011-06-20T06:19:00.001-04:00

I know some GREAT dads! Dads who love their kids, support their kids, disciple their kids, teach their kids, lead by example for their kids.....

There is one dad who I know would love to trade places with his baby girl. She has some heart issues that need immediate attention. I know without a doubt her daddy would take her place on that hospital bed if he could. But he can't. Only baby Elizabeth can endure the appointments, the pokes, the prods, the strangers performing procedures on her little body. Our prayer for baby Elizabeth is complete and total miraculous healing.

Please join us in praying for our friends Godfrey, Tina, Timothy and baby Elizabeth as they have a visa appointment at the American Embassy in Uganda on Tuesday to apply for a medical visa to get Elizabeth the help she needs. Pray specifically for Elizabeth's daddy Godfrey as he speaks on behalf of his family.

So you got the dad connection... what about the necklaces in the title? I am so glad you asked! Besides your prayers, we could really use some help to cover the financial expenses on the ground once the Lwanga family arrives in the states. Wanna buy a necklace? Wanna buy a lot of necklaces? They are really pretty. And they are from Uganda! We are selling them for $10 each to help with on the ground expenses. And we would be happy to ship them to you for an extra dollar. If you live local, I'll deliver them! They make great gifts for any occasion. I have solid colors (yellow, blue, red, purple, green, short brown) and multi colored (pastels and brights). Just specify on the paypal note your first and second choice. If you have specific questions email me at jenapenner @ gmail dot com.

THANK YOU!!!! AND DON'T FORGET TO PRAY!!!

2 years, 8 months, 15 days.

2011-06-13T09:37:00.004-04:00

Have you heard before that attachment in adoption can be a marathon?

As we tried to settle into our new family of 8 I received lots of advice. The grocery clerk told me my two new kids would be so well behaved because they would be grateful I saved them. Random strangers yelled in passing asking if I knew their hair needed grease. A man at a swim meet told me the new kids needed to switch to running because they are from Africa, and all Africans are good runners. All well meaning tid bits. Nobody was trying to be mean. Or offensive. They were just trying to help this mzungu mama.

My best, most wonderful piece of advice came from a social worker (imagine that). She said as long as the kids were without us, that is how long we have to give them to fully attach to us. At first this little tid bit depressed me. And then, I realized it was the most wonderful little morsel. I could relax in the fact that this was going to take time. The kids were 4ish and 5ish when we brought them home. See where the marathon image is coming into play here?

This is a hard blog post to write. I really want to be detailed, both for those experiencing a similar journey and for my memory. I'd love to write out all the emotions, good and bad. And one day in the distant future it may happen. When the kids are older and want to tell their stories.

For now, I would love to tell you that just a few days ago at 2 years, 8 months and 15 days home (but who is counting) an amazing thing took place.

Attachment.

Trust.

Ooey gooey squishy love.

And it's beautiful.

You'll Come

2011-06-12T12:57:00.001-04:00

Chains be broken

Lives be healed

Eyes be opened

Christ is revealed

pinny

2011-06-01T08:55:00.002-04:00

I am praying for Pinny this morning.

Will you join me?

Prayingforpinny.blogspot.com

We must go

2011-05-23T12:38:00.006-04:00

Each of us have an incredible opportunity. Some of us are called to care and love on those in our communities who need some support. Some of us are called to adopt through foster care, domestic, international adoption. Some of us are called to work with feeding programs here and abroad. If you don't feel called to serving others,

check your pulse.

It's in all of us. God places it there. Some are scared to follow through. Don't let that be you. Work through that fear and do something. One thing. Start small and let it grow. Save your family change for a ministry in your area or abroad. Donate to your local food pantry. Give 30 minutes a week at your local public school to mentor a child. Adopt. Sponsor a child. Throw a fundraiser for someone raising money to adopt or an organization supporting vulnerable people.

Our family is blessed to know so many who aren't scared to jump out of their comfort zone and care for others. They have been used by God in our lives to help us break out of our comfort zone. And I think it's safe to say, it's a big jump.

A couple months ago we sang this song in church. I bawled my way through it, pretty much unable to sing. If you know me, you know music moves me in a unique way. Music ministers to my heart. Music helps me process feelings and thoughts. This song. Wow. 3 little sentences kicked my butt. "Keep us from just singing. Move us into action. We must go".

God of Justice (Tim Hughes)

God of Justice, Saviour to all

Came to rescue the weak and the poor

Chose to serve and not be served

Jesus, You have called us

Freely we've received

Now freely we will give

We must go live to feed the hungry

Stand beside the broken

We must go

Stepping forward keep us from just singing

Move us into action

We must go

To act justly everyday

Loving mercy in everyway

Walking humbly before You God

You have shown us, what You require

Freely we've received

Now freely we will give

Fill us up and send us out

Fill us up and send us out Lord

What is all this Orphan Sunday stuff anyway?

2011-05-18T06:01:00.002-04:00

On Orphan Sunday, Christians stand for the orphan . We are a people called to defend the fatherless…to care for the child that has no family…to visit orphans in their distress.

From many sources, one voice. Hundreds of events across America and beyond, all sharing a single goal: that God’s great love for the orphan will find echo in our lives as well.

Each as they are led. Sermons and small groups, concerts and prayer gatherings—each rousing believers with God’s call to care for the orphan…and what we can do in response.

Orphan Sunday is your opportunity to rouse church, community and friends to God’s call to care for the orphan.

History

Many churches and organizations have hosted “Orphan Sundays” over the years. With a nationwide Orphan Sunday, the Christian Alliance for Orphans and the Cry of the Orphan partners seek to add a unified voice and coordinated effort to the many worthy efforts that preceded this year.

The seeds of this united Orphan Sunday come especially as a gift from the Church in Africa. While attending a church service in Zambia, an American visitor was struck by the pastor’s passionate call to care for orphans in the local community, which had been ravaged by AIDS and poverty. Members of the church faced deep need themselves. But as the service ended, one after another stepped forward with money, food and other goods-some even taking off their own shoes and placing them in the offering for orphans.

The visitor, Gary Schneider, was so impacted that he began to help Zambian leaders coordinate Orphan Sunday efforts across Zambia. These efforts spread to the U.S. in 2003 with help from Every Orphan’s Hope and other organizations. (Orphan Sunday is licensed to the Christian Alliance for Orphans as a registered trademark of Every Orphan’s Hope).

The Christian Alliance for Orphans honors the church in Zambia for the gift of Orphan Sunday. We pray the Church in America may be as faithful to reflect God’s heart for the orphan, both near and far.

-Stolen right off the www.orphansunday.org website. You can steal stuff off their website too.... they encourage stealers of their information!

Orphan Sunday: Resources

2011-05-17T08:21:00.002-04:00

Don't know where to start? Go HERE! Grab a cup of coffee and just look through it all. Videos, Audio spots, Brochures, Lessons, Flyers, Book Club Notes, Sermons, you name it, it's there!

This video has made me cry for two years now. Enjoy. And by 'enjoy', I mean be beautifully destroyed.

Hope is Fading – Orphan Sunday from Allan Rosenow on Vimeo.

Orphan Sunday: Start Somewhere

2011-05-15T18:32:00.005-04:00

Sometimes you just have to pick a place and start.

November 6th seems very far away, but it's not. Most churches plan their teaching calendar a few months out, or even a year out. Does your church have an orphan care ministry? This could include taking care of vulnerable children in your neighborhood, in your state, in your country or internationally. This could include supporting families in your church who are fostering, adopting from the foster system, adopting domestically or adopting internationally. This could include loving children through a program called Safe Families that tries to support the church to step in before kids are placed in the foster system.

How about starting with this...
if your church has an adoption/orphan care ministry, get people excited about an event on November 6th for Orphan Sunday.
if your church doesn't have an adoption/orphan care ministry, why not get on your leadership staffs calendar to talk about how your church can answer the cry of the orphan.

If you need help, let me know!
jenapenner @ gmail . com

Already?

2011-05-14T21:42:00.004-04:00

Yes, already! It's time to plan people! What will you do for Orphan Sunday November 6th. I'll be posting suggestions this week that have worked well for others. Please take advantage of this great video until then!!

Mother's Day

2011-05-07T18:52:00.003-04:00

Tomorrow there will be many breakfasts in beds, many corsages, many handmade cards, many gifts, many picnics, many special treats, many family outings.

But today I can't stop thinking about...

the mamas who placed their babies in the arms of another.

the mama who looks at a picture and longs for the day she will hold that little blessing in her arms for the first time.

the mama who has met her child, but can't yet bring them home to stay.

the woman who with everything in her wishes and prays to be a mama.

the mama who gave birth to Kendric.

the mama who gave birth to KaiaRose.

the mama who feels her child move in her belly and dreams a dream for her child.

I know tomorrow will come and I will fully embrace the day. Just so many emotions today.

I pray I never forget that I became a mother through the broken heart of another. -Jill Catlett

Wordless Wednesday With Words!

2011-05-05T08:56:00.007-04:00

This is Keith sitting in an airport in Ethiopia. I am sure he was dreaming of seeing our dear friends Godfrey and family and Patrick and family and Amos and David and Alfred. And.... well, you get the idea. Or he was dreaming of chipate.

These are KaiaRose's grandparents!!!! Now, if you don't know... it has been very hard for her to see Kendric get letters and pictures from family in Uganda. But we didn't know where any of her family was located. Until now! Many thanks to Sandra Gannon, Hope Kalibbala and Nicolas Lwanga. Getting to meet her JjaJjas was a dream come true! And KaiaRose is giddy happy!!!!

This is where we stayed in Gaba for 6 weeks during our in country adoption process. There use to be more homes, but it has been cleared now. I loved walking that road. I loved my orange feet. I loved the kiddos who shouted, "Mzungu. How are you?" I would like orange feet again!

This is an operating room. An open air operating room. See those windows? This particular clinic, like most, doesn't have an anesthesia provider. Keith was a little taken back about all they did in here.... without anesthesia. Ouch.

This is a truck. Behind the truck are toes. Those toes belong to an adorable little boy Keith had the honor of visiting. Soon, we hope those toes are snuggled in America with his adoptive family.

I can't express in words how many children are waiting for families. Our house is full. Seriously, our three bedroom house can't fit anymore little blessings. We are not currently feeling we are to add more children to our family.

But are you?

If you are not called to adopt, could you come alongside another family who is called to adopt? We are all called to do something. What is your something? Adoption? Orphan Care? Widow Care? What can you do today for the vulnerable? How can you show God's love to those in your neighborhood, your town, your state, your nation, another nation?

Keith and I are asking ourselves and praying through those same questions. And we would love to have you join us as we wait to hear God's answers.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-05-04T07:20:00.010-04:00

It's

2011-05-03T10:07:00.001-04:00

almost Wednesday!!!!

Pictures.

2011-04-30T19:07:00.001-04:00

I can't wait to show you some pictures. Maybe I'll wait until 'Wordless Wednesday' and then not explain them until Thursday. I am feeling sneaky like that right now!!

Malaria

2011-04-25T20:37:00.002-04:00

Every year, 781,000 people die of malaria

Every 45 seconds, a child dies of malaria
(Four years ago it was every 30 seconds....progress!)

Malaria is preventable and treatable

Children under 5 account for 85% of malaria deaths

Malaria is caused by a female mosquito that bites at night

Almost 2000 people die in Africa daily from malaria

In Africa, 40% of health resources are used to treat malaria

Malaria costs Africa $12 billion annually

World Malaria Day is April 25th. That is today.

Malaria, malaria, go away
Come again no other day!

O Happy Day

2011-04-24T17:28:00.000-04:00

Happy Day to each of you!

Laura Story - Blessings

2011-03-31T09:25:00.000-04:00

Blessings

2011-03-23T06:35:00.000-04:00

I love this song and hate it at the same time. She is right. So, so right!

"But what the Lord is teaching me is sometimes He gives us what we need rather than what we want. And sometimes He lets us stay broken in ways He might not feel comfortable with. In ways we might not expect." -Laura Story

Laura Story - "Blessings" Lyrics

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home,

‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise

World Water Day

2011-03-22T07:57:00.007-04:00

There are many great organizations you could contribute to today. I would like to tell you about The Adventure Project.

We are all about clean water for all people here at the Pack of Penner's home. Building wells. Drilling boreholes. All great stuff. But what happens to those handpumps after years pass? They break. Then what? Dirty water is what. That's why I love The Adventure Project!

Problem: One third of all handpumps installed in the last twenty years in developing countries are now broken. And 4,000 children die every day because of lack of clean drinking water. We feel that’s unacceptable. So we’re thinking differently.

Solution: Instead of drilling more wells, we’re using our charitable gifts for something revolutionary – to train and employ handpump mechanics. The mechanics earn an income, bringing themselves out of poverty, and they save lives – turning water back on for thousands of people each year.

What to do? What to do?

GIVE!!!!

My goal? To get 5 people to contribute $20 each. Will you give? Perhaps skip the Coffee drive-thru the rest of the week? Maybe cook at home instead of eating out? Maybe let the kids have a lemonade stand.... or hot cocoa stand depending where you live. Click on GIVE!!!! link above today!

Bad News, Good News

2011-03-13T16:15:00.005-04:00

Bad News:
KAMPALA, Uganda -- Life can be harsh in the Karamoja sub-region, with its arid climate, food shortages, and a tradition of cattle raiding. But for Christine Kokona, life's gotten worse since that night last year she boarded a bus with a stranger for this scruffy, squeezed capital of 1.6 million.

Christine doesn't know her age but appears to be about 8. She wears a tattered, zebra-print dress as she begs along Kampala Road during the day. Around dusk, she feeds mainly on rotten tomatoes and potato scraps at the Owino market then retires for the night to a small room shared by strangers in the slum of Kisenyi for 25 cents a night.

She is the victim of a growing trend here: A child is rented out to a near-stranger for about $10 a month with the promise that the child will be looked after while earning money from begging on Kampala's streets to support the family.

The children are then passed to a guardian who looks after four or five children. The children dutifully hand their alms to the guardians in exchange for shelter and the occasional meager meal, though some are visibly malnourished and have been known to be abused if their daily sums are not deemed sufficient.

Christine says she was beaten and discarded by her guardian before being taken in by another.

Ketty Nandi, from the child and family protection unit of the Kampala police department, said two key traffickers -- who tend to ship the children by bus -- have been arrested since the Trafficking in Persons Act was passed in 2009. She estimates roughly seven main traffickers remain at large.

Road blocks were set up last year between Karamoja -- from where most of Kampala's beggars originate -- and the capital to ferret out children traveling without a parent. But the traffickers have taken to back roads and jungle paths to elude capture.

Last year a bylaw was implemented making it illegal to give to beggars, in an attempt to make charity solicitation less lucrative. But enforcement has been weak.

Every few weeks, authorities round up beggars and place them temporarily in detention centers where they are counseled before being sent to resettlement camps in their home districts.

This has resulted in an overall reduction in the number of beggars on Kampala streets to around 600 -- nearly half the number from several years ago, said Beatrice Ayikoru, a street children desk officer in Uganda's Ministry of Gender, Labor and Social Development.

But with few prospects for income in their home villages, many beggars end up back on the streets or are replaced by fresh faces, providing incentives for traffickers.

"We are mopping while the tap is open," said Mondo Kyateeka, acting commissioner of the ministry's youth and children affairs.

He said the push and pull factors have to be more thoroughly addressed. Efforts to improve conditions in Karamoja have not been adequate, with many beggars still finding better income prospects on Kampala's streets.

Angelina Logiel and her baby daughter, for instance, earned about 25 cents a day collecting firewood back in Karamoja. But she found it wasn't enough to survive. And food rations supplied by the government are no longer, she said.

In Kampala, she can make around $4 a day from begging. But on days when she doesn't make enough to afford the 50-cent fee to sleep in one of the overcrowded rooms in Kisenyi, she curls up on the street instead. When asked whether she would prefer to return home or remain on Kampala's streets, she stared blankly into traffic.

Nongovernmental organizations and government officials recently met with community leaders from Karamoja to hear their needs. Local leaders said fertile land, government assistance in transitioning from a pastoral herding to an agricultural lifestyle, and better health services would address the push factor.

But officials said the government has yet to address these concerns, largely because resources and energies have been channeled into supporting long-ruling President Yoweri Museveni's successful re-election bid last month. His campaign was reported to be the most expensive in the country's history, utilizing state funds even though Uganda's budget is nearly 30 percent donor-funded.

Ministry officials said they are doing what they can with minimal resources and are adopting a multi-pronged strategy that involves more direct involvement with resettlement efforts, addressing push and pull factors, greater surveillance of suspected traffickers, more cooperation with local authorities and stronger prosecution.

Some mothers have been charged with parental abuse. Others have been offered work as street sweepers and other menial occupations, though many have remained because begging offers more financial gain than sweeping.

But with the Museveni administration's uneven record on implementation and a history of corruption, some observers are less than optimistic the push and pull factors are going to be thoroughly addressed anytime soon.

That led at least one lawmaker to take the law into her own hands last year. Winfred Kiiza, a Ugandan member of parliament, slapped a woman beggar with a malnourished child in police custody.

"When I was told the story of women planting the children on the streets and going into hiding, I was disgusted," Kiiza said at the time. "I was hurt when I saw the poor health of the child and realized that the children are not the direct beneficiaries of the money collected."

The case made headlines, and more than a few Ugandans rushed to the Kiiza's defense. But nearly a year later, the slap has yet to net the results she desired.

Good News:
You have the honor of helping. While I realize it's hard to know what to do when the issue is so large... I encourage you to start with one. Help one. What about this one?

This is Faith who lives in Bakka Village in Uganda. She is in the 5th grade and her mama works at a rock quarry. If you haven't seen a rock quarry in Uganda...it's not a very pleasant picture. Sandra, the sponsorship coordinator said it was one of the worst conditions she witnessed on her recent trip. Please consider sponsoring a child. This sponsorship program is $25 per month. It goes to feed all children and each sponsored child receives a monthly little extra gift. This month? A mattress! Please contact s-gannon@hotmail.com or leave a comment if you would like to know more about sponsoring a child.

Mpholi

2011-03-11T13:32:00.001-05:00

It is an honor to have our church sponsor a carepoint through Children's HopeChest in Swaziland. Many thanks to Dave for making this video.

Mpholi Carepoint 2011 from Salem Chapel on Vimeo.

Children of God... you are adopted

2011-03-09T08:06:00.000-05:00

Gown Girls

2011-03-02T17:30:00.005-05:00

This group, with members from local high schools, is accepting donations of new and used dresses and accessories that will be sold at low cost to raise money for the International Justice Mission, which combats human trafficking.

Dresses will be priced from $10 to $30. The dress sale will be 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. March 26 at 1255 Creekshire Way in the Shoppes at Little Creek shopping center along Hanes Mall Boulevard, Winston-Salem, NC.

If you have prom night accessories or a new or slightly used dress to donate please let me know. If you don't live where I do you can mail it to my house. Email me at jenapenner dot gmail dot com for my address or to be connected with the organizer Anna.

Giveaway!!!

2011-02-23T09:49:00.005-05:00

Our friends, The Bolins, have recently had two little cutie pies join their family through the foster system. Please be praying for them as they pursue the adoption of these little blessings! Jon and Michelle are in our life group and we love them! Please go HERE to see the giveaway!

What will be given away?

1. Your choice of any bonded leather, Truetone, or personal size edition of the ESV Study Bible
2. Mark Driscoll’s Doctrine
3. Bob Kauflin’s Worship Matters
4. Rolland McCune’s Systematic Theology three volume set
5. Page CXVI’s three Hymns CD’s
6. Together for the Gospel Live CD

So maybe you aren't into giveaways? Please pray for our friends! I love this picture. It was taken very soon after their placement. The Bolin's went from a 0 kid count, to a 2 kid count overnight. It is so fun to watch them become a family!

My Dad is a Superstar

2011-02-21T07:45:00.006-05:00

There was an essay contest for the Daddy Daughter Dance at Elena's school. The topic: Why is your dad a superstar?

My Dad is a Superstar
By Elena Penner, 3rd Grade

Webster's Dictionary says a supserstar is a person, performer or athlete who enjoys wide recognition, is esteemed for exceptional talent, and is eagerly sought after for his or her services or a very prominent or successful person or thing. So why would my dad be a superstar? Let me tell you why!

My dad may not be a professional performer, but he plays his guitar and sings to me every night before he tucks me in bed. The problem with singing is then instead of going to bed, I want to start dancing! He is a good dancer too! We dance in the kitchen together. Sometimes we boogie down and sometimes I stand on his toes and we dance old fashioned.

The great thing about my dad is he isn't just a superstar to his kids; he is a superstar to many kids. Some kids don't have dads. My dad spends time with kids here in our community and in faraway places like Africa. The same thing he does with me, he does with kids in Africa who don't have any parents. When he is painting my fingernails, I think about the times he paints little girls fingernails in Swaziland. They don't have a daddy to sing to them and tuck them in bed, but my superstar daddy goes to visit these kids and brings them love and hope. He makes me want to show other people love and compassion.

Even though people aren't chasing him down the street for his autograph, to me there is nobody else I would want to call Daddy. He will always be a superstar to me!

They had a wonderful time! And Elena's essay.... yeah, it was the grand prize winner! She won a princess makeover with hair and nails. She loved every minute!

Mostly, she loved spending one on one time with her superstar daddy.

Beware: Bragging

2011-02-09T16:28:00.003-05:00

If I brag on one, I have to brag on all, so here goes.....

Briley got a stellar (for him) grade in math.

Grant was getting a D in social studies 2 weeks before end of quarter. He worked his tail off and there was an A- on the report card! He had never seen a D before and I think it scared him!

Clark scored 99th percentile on a ridiculously hard exam.

Elena is super sweet.

Kendric got 2nd place in a literature contest for K-2nd graders in our county.

KaiaRose is rockin the math lessons.

Keith has won the jet lag battle.

Me? I successfully got rid of all the m&m's in the bag of trail mix today.

Circle of Life

2011-02-04T09:01:00.004-05:00

Ya know how people are typically either a dog person or cat person? I am neither. I don't hate either. We have two cats and a little dog. I tolerate them. The kids are happy there are four legged creatures running about.

One cat I greatly dislike, not hate, but it's close. Briley's cat. The cat that sneaks up behind you and bites your leg. For no reason. Stupid cat. The cat that only snuggles up with you if you happen to be wearing black. So that you can be covered in cat hair. All day. The gift that keeps giving. Keith had a cat growing up. Keith's parents admitted on his 21st birthday that his cat didn't run away... they took it for a drive. Keith was crushed! Just last week I thought it was a wise move on their part. I dreamed of doing the same.

Until now.

Last night our little dog started growling after we had gone to bed. He kept jumping off the bed and growling at our fireplace. Then I heard a little scratching noise. Then more growling. Then more scratching on the fireplace glass. I pushed on Keith. His jet lagged body didn't move. I kicked Keith. He didn't move. The scratching noises kept coming, I kept hitting Keith to wake him up. I finally got brave and turned on the light. I looked through the fireplace glass and didn't see anything. I looked at the brick surrounding the fireplace glass and that is when I saw it.....
a squirrel.....
hanging on the brick right under the mantle....

I became a little girl and screamed (only two kids heard the squeals). Keith's eyes half opened and I yelled,'there is a squirrel on the fireplace!'. He said, 'How cute' and shut his eyes. So I pounded him and kept screaming. He finally sat up and saw the critter. And calmly said, 'get the cat'.

Yes! We have a cat! Who loves to catch critters! I yelled at Briley to get the cat. I wasn't moving my eyes off the large vicious animal. Okay, it was a baby squirrel. And not so large. Briley put the cat down by the fireplace and the cat caught the vision. Then the dog got in on the fun. Cat on one side, dog on the other and the squirrel darting back and forth wondering which would be the lesser of the two attackers. The squirrel got too close to the dog and the dog jumped back on the bed (to protect me of course). The cat calmly watched. And then jumped. And then there were some squeals from the squirrel. And then I ran out of the room. And then the witnesses (Briley and Keith) said the squirrel and cat ran under the bed. And Keith and Briley sat on the bed. And Keith was going to just go back to sleep. But my continued squeals told him that plan would never fly with mama.

So he grabbed the pillows and blankets and went to the garage. Next he blew up the air mattress in the TV room. Finally, he covered his head with a pillow and went to sleep.

I still don't know what happened in our bedroom. I am hoping the circle of life worked out in our favor. Cats over squirrels. Right?

Today I will happily wait during my 9am-3pm time slot for the rodent man.

Defender Among Them

2011-01-30T18:57:00.006-05:00

Isn't this an amazing piece of art?!?!? Click here to see how you can help an adoptive family AND win a chance at owning this original piece! Ends February 4th so hustle on over!

Each baby in the painting, has a word or phrase written in a native tongue of their country to portray the promises of the Defender.

Starting at the top of the painting, they are:

Chinese - I am chosen

American – I am loved

Hispanic – I am protected

Thai - I am safe

Swahili – I am known

Russian – I am wanted

Arabic – I am free

Hindi – I have hope

Jesus- Hebrew – I AM LIFE

And then there were eight

2011-01-29T11:44:00.003-05:00

This picture could change the course of our lives forever. God works in mysterious ways. Pic stolen from this blog.

Summer

2011-01-28T17:04:00.001-05:00

I can't wait til summer vacation.
I hope the boys will go running in their tutus again.
We'll see.

What is a Trader? - RightNow.org

2011-01-26T11:01:00.000-05:00

6 pack of funny bones

2011-01-25T08:53:00.004-05:00

Last night I had a lunesta with a coca-cola chaser. So I may be groggy. When I am groggy I find things funny-er than normal. Just so you know, I did not lunesta-ize my children. They just woke up funny-er today!

It started with Grant who has to get up at O dark 30 to be bussed across town. He laid his head down by his breakfast plate, lifted his hand up and said, 'Can you just give it to me IV style? It's too early to eat.'

Then Kendric tried to eat the glued on popcorn off Clark's science fair project. Yes, this is the same child who upon seeing Elena's pet beta fish for the first time said, 'Um! Nummm!' and started to reach in the fishbowl for a snack. Give the dude a break, he had been in America for all of 8 seconds. When said beta fish finally died Kendric, who had learned English by then, said as the fish was flushing away, 'What a waste, should have eaten it.'

Clark is in a spelling bee tomorrow at school. So he is no longer talking, rather spelling. Every word. Did I mention he quit talking? 'm-o-m w-o-u-l-d y-o-u h-e-l-p m-e s-t-u-d-y m-y s-p-e-l-l-i-n-g w-o-r-d-s a-f-t-e-r s-c-h-o-o-l?'

We typically lay out clothes for approval each night to prepare for the next day. Call me control freak or organized. It matters not. If I am in a rush I skip over Grant (who wears a uniform to school) and Elena (who hangs her clothes in outfits). That lunesta slumber was kicking in fast last night so I skipped Elena. Guess who came downstairs today in about 86 shades of pink. The pinks ranged from a pale pink to peach to pepto bismol madness in many layers. Seriously. And then she asked for an '80s side swipe double stack pony tail finished off with a braid'. Say what? She wanted to try something different. I prefer she go back to the good old days of matching. I took her picture and sent her to school. Her turquoise coat was quite the accessory.

Kendric and KaiaRose always want to know what I packed the older four for lunch. They, being s-l-i-g-h-t-l-y c-o-m-p-e-t-i-t-i-v-e, always try to make sure I make them something better for lunch. Joys of homeschooling.... hot lunch. Whilst being asked what I packed the older kids, I asked the younger two what they wanted for lunch. The conversation went a little like this....
Me: What would you like for lunch?
Kendric: Cookies.
Me: Okay, and what would you like with your cookies?
KaiaRose: A side of cookies.
Insert image of two cutie pies standing side by side with heads tilted, cheesy grins in place and hands placed behind their backs.

About this time my cell phone rang. It was Briley, calling from his cell phone in his bedroom, requesting breakfast in bed. I changed the subject and asked him if he was nervous about his geometry exam this morning. He said, 'Not really. I slept with my notes under my pillow. That is what one of my friends said to do. And he should know. This is his second time taking geometry.'

Children are a blessing, aren't they?!?!!?

Wordless Wednesday

2011-01-19T09:19:00.002-05:00

Love This Fever!

2011-01-07T09:16:00.005-05:00

Tuesday, Grant came home looking like he was a college freshman studying for finals with too heavy a load. I joked with him around 6:oo seeing if he wanted to just go to bed. He said, 'thank you'. And off he went. And I didn't see the whites of his eyes for the next 14 hours. I did however see him sleeping several times. He is so adorable all nestled in his blankets, mouth slightly open, drool flowing.

Wednesday he slept on and off all day, mostly on. Wednesday night he logged 13 hours of sleep. No fever (cause I have one of those head swiper temperature takers and did so often because with Grant fevers often mean seizures), no symptoms, just exhausted. I felt kinda silly keeping him home from school and not telling him to suck it up and get to school.

Until last night when the fever hit. Then I was just grateful I could keep him home the previous days so he didn't share his germs. He has been for the most part locked away as to not mingle with the other kiddos. When the fever hit it went up fast (typical Grant fashion.... stupid nervous system) but then STOPPED! It stopped at that 100.whatever low grade fever!!!! I am use to seeing 99.7, then five minutes later 103.4.

Today he is still hidden away with his 100ish fever. I love this fever! Grant's neurologist told me numerous times how blessed Grant was to have this particular type of epilepsy.... cause 90 some percent of kids outgrow it in the teenage years. Grant won't be an official teenager until the 27th of this month, but I already feel like we've been given the best gift.

A Perfect Gift

2010-12-26T08:29:00.004-05:00

Our little pack has gotten so close.

It just doesn't seem possible that two of our little blessings use to hang with this pack.

It's always an interesting dynmaic to google 'Ugandan orphan' for a slide show to teach kids about Uganda and find a picture of your child. See Kendric in the brown sweater/blue shirt?

When you see the reality of these kids situation, the numbers and statistics fade away. You start to see each child individually. You start to see hope for each child. All of a sudden 163 million turns personal. Can you help all 163 million? No. Can you be the person to help ONE? Yes!

Meet Tony. He lives in the same village our two Ugandan kiddos lived. He has hope. He is obviously a hard worker. He lives with his uncle. He is eligible to go to 7th grade. That is HUGE! From my understanding only 4 children out of the hundreds in Tony's village have progressed through school enough to make it to 7th grade. Tony is one of those four. He currently doesn't have a sponsor, but I am hoping that will soon change.

If you would like to sponsor a child from Bakka Village in Uganda please leave a comment or email S-gannon@hotmail.com. Or visit www.heartsandhandsforuganda.org. It's the best $25 you will spend each month. Sandra keeps close tabs on all the kids and you will receive many letters and pictures!

Child sponsorship is the perfect gift!

Merry Christmas

2010-12-25T11:39:00.003-05:00

Merry Christmas from our pack to yours!

There were many hugs

Clark was oh so excited about his science text book/encyclopedia set. To each their own!

And the bubble wrap was quite a hit!

Cuteness in large supply!

A touch of OCD or a fun tradition?

2010-12-20T20:07:00.004-05:00

I have been hassled in the past for my matchy-matchy wrapping paper.
I'm not that picky. It just has to be

red

red and white

or

white and red

Okay... and perhaps just the right shade of red. Not burgundy. Not bright neon red. But that beautiful fully ripe tomato red. It's a beautiful color, don't you think?!?! It just so happens it is the exact color of the walls in the living room where my Christmas tree is nestled.

Each little Penner has their own wrapping paper each year. However, they don't find out which one is their paper until Christmas Eve. On Christmas Eve they get to open their pajamas and their pajamas only. I set the 6 packages out on the floor and they guess which paper is theirs by standing by the package. Many a day I find them studying the gifts to try and pick their paper. They try to trick me into letting out clues. But it doesn't work. I trick them right back.

What happens if someone sends a wrapped gift to the house that doesn't include red and white wrapping paper you ask? I re-wrap them. Oh yes, indeed. Each and every gift is sporting matchy-matchy goodness under that tree!

It also makes it easy to know everything is wrapped and ready for opening. Each of our kids gets three presents for Christmas (plus the jammies). So I just have to count 4 polka dot packages, 4 snowflake packages, 4 candy cane packages, etc to know everyone has their goodies.

A touch of OCD you say? Go ahead and poke fun, I can take the teasing. To me my wrapping paper madness is a memory maker for my kiddos. And that brings me Christmas cheer.

Growth spurt?

2010-12-13T09:19:00.003-05:00

This morning, someone who shall remain nameless ate for breakfast...

3 boiled eggs
2 leftover chicken legs
1 leftover pile of shepherds pie

Good thing there wasn't a partridge in a pear tree, cause he probably would have eaten that too!

I am fine

2010-12-12T16:57:00.003-05:00

All kids have times where they go through rough patches. When that kid comes from a rocky past, it's all the harder to witness. We are trying to help our newest little ones learn how to communicate and express themselves. Especially when they are sad. To our surprise this was taped to our glass door in the kitchen. There may not be many words, but there are enough words here to confirm to us that this rough patch may just be behind us! And for that we are grateful!

The Calm of Christmas

2010-12-11T20:39:00.004-05:00

We are pretty mellow at Christmastime. There is not a lot of worldly hoop-la round these here parts. I struggle creating a balance between what I want (gifts smifts, let's just sit around and enjoy each other or pile our money for something useful like child sponsorship or clean water cause I'm pretty sure sweet Jesus would prefer us not going into debt) and what the kids want (like in everything everyone else is getting because they are kids).

Creating precious Christmas memories is important to me.
Not being stressed out is important to me.
Celebrating Jesus' birth is important to me.

So I find some balance in acquiring great deals. I don't feel guilty and the kids still feel that Christmas morning excitement. We all enjoy the calmness. Win, win!

I love a deal. And I've been blessed with a few lately. I can't tell you what they are cause I have 6 (um, yeah 6, homeschool is working) children who read. I will tell you the bottom line though!

Gift#1: Regular price $21.99
Penner price .50 cents

Gift #2: Regular price $132.99
Penner price $2.00

Gift #3: Regular price $69.99
Penner price $7.48

Gift #4: Regular price $59.99
Penner price $7.48